Snow Parking in Boston: Who’s the Asshole?

Respect Parkingasshole parking

This is my second winter living in Boston proper. This is Boston’s snowiest winter on record. It has been, to say the least, not as good as last winter. Due to all the snow, I’ve seen a lot more chairs and placeholders in parking spaces. Now I’m here to settle the score on parking space etiquette.

You may be asking yourself, “Aren’t those two pictures exactly the same?” Why is one person an asshole and why does the other get respect?” The answer is context. There are two ways, that I’ve seen, that a parking space is made. One way is by simply shoveling out your own car to go somewhere. I do this every snowstorm. It sucks every snowstorm. Do I put a chair in my space? No. Because I’m not a little bitch. If you shovel out the spot on the street that your car is currently in because you need to go somewhere, ie work, you have no rights to that spot. 0. None. Bupkiss. You HAD to shovel that spot out to live your life. The streets own that spot now. Take your lawn chair and shove it up your ass.

The second way a parking space is made is by physically shoveling an entire space worth of snow and putting your car where the snow once was. As far as I’m concerned, this kind of spot, is a fable, a myth, an urban legend. People tell stories of those strong willed and determined enough to accomplish this feat but its always a friend of a friend. If you do this, as far as I’m concerned, that spot is yours for all of winter. You earned it. There is a 0% chance, 0, that I ever do that. I have neither the time, energy or mental fortitude to do that. I would rather drive around for hours than plunk my car down and go shovel for probably 1-2 hours just to carve out a shitty little spot for my car.

In summary, if you did not move the amount of snow equal to the volume of a car to make a parking space, do not use a space saver and suck it up. Everyone else drinks on me.

P.S. If you have even a shred of your soul left avoid Beacon St and Comm Ave. between the hours of now until April.


Roger Goodell and the NFL are the Biggest Hypocrites and I’ll Still Watch Every Game

Roger Goodell Devil

In recent news, Josh Gordon has been suspended for the entire 2015 season due to failing a drug test for alcohol. According to Gordon, he consumed a few drinks while on a private jet to Las Vegas. I know from the Aaron Hernandez/Matt Prater business that once you’re in the NFL drug program they can test you at anytime. I’m guessing that as soon as Gordon stepped off the plane someone shoved a cup in his face and told him to pee in it. (In doing some research into Josh Gordon’s story, I found out I am 100% right).

At this point, I’m pretty sure Roger Goodell has no soul. He has sold it to or is, Satan himself. His eyes just look so cold and soulless. He couldn’t be more of a hypocrite if he tried and he doesn’t give one shit about it. I’m pretty sure if you gave Roger that hot $40 million salary he’d kill his entire family and not think twice about it. The only thing he cares about is making money, except apparently in this situation. Who will watch the Browns without Josh Gordon? No one.

Does he think people will forget about the lax domestic violence stance that the NFL has if he really cracks down on drugs? I think I would much prefer a ban on Terrell “Clorox on my family” Suggs than Josh “I had drinks on a mother fucking plane” Gordon. Or how about Terrence Cody, just recently cut by the Ravens after being indicted on accounts of animal cruelty and marijuana possession? Not one word Goodell. Not one NFL article, sanction or reprimand? What about a one year suspension? The NFL has no thoughts on this? Any NFL team can sign him now. He could play next year and Josh Gordon can’t. It’s the most absurd thing I have every seen. Don’t run an ad campaign raising domestic violence and then turn around and spit directly in my face.

Can’t wait for Bob Kraft to work out a way to void Goodell’s contract and kick his ass to the curb….his $40,000,000 curb.


P.S. The only silver lining to this is that wherever Roger Goodell goes he is followed by people booing him. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t gone a day in the past four years without getting booed. He wakes up and his wife boos him. His kids boo him. Boo Roger! Booooooooooooooooooooo!


Belichick on lion

Not saying I called it, but I 100% called it. Amendola and Edelman 2 TD, 14 catches and 157 yards. Gronk with a 22 yard TD. Man coverage the whole game. If not for some ridiculous catches from Chris Matthews this game would have easily been the 28-14 that I predicted. Can’t win ’em all I guess.

….Except Bill and Tom Brady. They win fucking everything. Greatests of all time. Best coach QB duo of all time. The only thing sweeter than getting that 4th Lombardi is bathing in Richard Sherman’s tears. I live for that look in his face where he realizes all his hard work and smack talk was for shit. YOU MAD BRO??!

This is my Christmas. Pats Nation gets another solid year of gloating in everyone’s faces. SUCK IT!!

Also if I ever hear Spygate come up again I’ll slap you right in your stupid face. Belichick and Brady are the realest deal. Realer than real.


New England Patriots Keys to Victory

bill belichick gatorade bath

Tomorrow is the Super Bowl and I for one have been hard since yesterday. In a futile attempt to quell my raging football boner I’ll outline how the Patriots are going to crush the Seahawks and secure their 4th Super Bowl Victory in 13 years.

1. Chandler Jones and Jamie Collins

Jones and Collins are athletic freaks of nature. They have great length and great pass rushing ability. Collins is good in coverage as well and depending on the defensive packages Belichick goes with, he might see a decent bit of it. The reason I singled these two players out is because keeping containment and setting the edge are the two most important aspects of defense that the front seven have to worry about against the Seahawks. The Patriots can’t afford to let Russell Wilson run all over them, scramble out of the pocket to extend plays or give up big chunks of yards on the read option. Too many times I’ve seen Rob Ninkovich or poor Big Vince chasing a QB who they are clearly never going to catch. Collins and Jones are going to play huge roles in keeping Wilson and Lynch contained. Given the lack of decent WRs, I’m willing to bet Belichick goes all out in attempts to stopping the run.

2. Man Up

You know how the Packers shutdown the Seahawks for 3.75 quarters of NFL football? Man coverage. It’s just that simple. Spare me this nonsense about how Doub Baldwin, Jermain Kease and people who’s names I don’t even know are “good.” They are not. They are in fact bad. The Patriots have great depth at CB and I’d imagine they use it to man up and force Russell WIlson to make tough throws. He’s going to throw at least 2 INTs. Count on it.

3. Edelman and Amendola: The Tiny Twosome

The Seahawks have a large, hard hitting, secondary. It’s kind of their thing. What’s also kind of their thing is getting burned by small, quick receivers. Case in point TY Hilton. Sherm the Worm can tweet all he wants about how it was only three catches and no big plays or whatever but at the end of the day he can’t keep up with these quick receivers. Amendola is peaking at just the right time and Edelman is a damn monster. These two are going to have a boatload of catches and yards. I’m going to wager combined 15+ catches and 200 yards.

4. Gronk SMASH!

I’m interested to see how the Seahawks plan for covering the Uncoverable. They might be able to mitigate the damage that he does during a drive due to the sheer athleticism of their defense. In the redzone, however, Gronk cannot and will not be stopped. I don’t care who is covering him. Sherman, Thomas, Chancellor. You split Gronk out wide on a slant route in the redzone and he will catch it 10 out of 10 times and spike it 11 times.