Bill Belichick Doesn’t Get Enough Credit for Being a “Players’ Coach”

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I was watching the highlights from Legarette Blount smoking the Bills last week and I began reveling in how happy he looked. Then I saw him hug Belichick and walk across the field with him and what not looking like a kid who just won the game walking to a celebratory dinner with his dad. It got me thinking about “players’ coaches” and Belichick’s relationship with his players. 

I think unless you’re from New England, you might get a very skewed perception that Bill Belichick is an autonomous winning machine with no feeling or emotions. If you only watched his interactions with the media, you’d almost certainly believe this. But if you’re a Patriots fan and you hear him talk with the players and see their interactions with him, I think you see a coach who takes great pride in his players’ success and is highly demanding. I think a lot of players who don’t like Bill, see him as cold because of his expectations and maybe they don’t want to work as hard as he demands.

All I know is, when I see players do great things on the field, the first person they go to on the sideline is Bill Belichick, like a son seeking approval, and Belichick plays the overjoyed parent role, who couldn’t be happier that the player was able to succeed. I think Bill Belichick is the ultimate players’ coach and I think it’s also why he’s seen so much success. No one quits on him. No one. Everyone does their job because it’s what he expects. None of this Rex Ryan, circus bullshit. I think its also why we have so many signings/cuts on the practice team. These guys want to play for Bill because they know if they do their job right and do it better than the starters Belichick won’t hesitate to sign them. 

1/3 of Americans Don’t Believe in Evolution. Sigh.

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http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2013/12/30/pew-research-human-evolution-survey/4258083/

In trying to find a humorous image for this blog post, I found something soul crushingly painful: http://missinguniversemuseum.com/Exhibit6.htm. This is the half baked logic of Creationists.

“Per Evolutionists a vestigial organ or appendage is supposedly something that exists in a living organism without any function, but served some useful purpose in the past in some ancestral form. These should exist as well as harmless appendages that never did perform any useful function”

YES, BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE, YOU FUCK. Clearly, since we have organs that used to have a function and no longer do, we should also have lots of other organs that never had any function at all….because….JESUS. That’s why. Clearly someone didn’t pass/take high school biology. The only reason you would have a vestigial organ ie. the appendix is because it had a FUNCTION at one point. You don’t just fucking sprout organs just because evolution. 

“Why don’t we ever hear doctors mention vestigial organs?” HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF THE APPENDIX OR ARE YOU TROLLING ME?!?

And finally, perhaps my favorite in hair brained logic: “If you don’t believe God created all living things, male and female, in 6 days…. How many millions of years was it between the first male and the first female?”

Asexual reproduction. Mitosis. Science. I don’t have time to explain these shenanigans I’ll just revel in their stupidity. If you want to believe in Creationism that’s fine by me. But it has to be faith based. You can’t just go around trying to debunk SCIENCE by thumping the bible really hard and making statements that aren’t true. Evolution is a real thing. You can believe in anything you want, but you can’t bend science to your beliefs. 

Reason #451230 Why PS4 is Better than Xbox One: It Doesn’t Leak Semen

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http://hothardware.com/News/Reports-of-Xbox-One-Consoles-Leaking-Mysterious-White-Liquid-Start-to-Surface/

Does Microsoft use semen as a coolant? Seems that way doesn’t it. If you’re going to play with the big dogs of tech, your gaming system better not leak an oily substance that dries into “white milk-like stains.” Pretty much sounds exactly like semen. So if you bought an Xbox One instead of a PS4, I think its safe to say you prefer purchasing high tech containers full of semen instead of gaming systems. Just saying. You’re the one who bought the cooler full of semen not me. I’m gonna get an actual gaming system. 

Since there have only been two instances of this, it makes me wonder whether this is real or whether these dudes made love to their Xbox Ones and then made it seem like the oily substance was being leaked for no apparent reason. Pretty sure this is just a huge conspiracy so that people can take their Xbox Ones to pound town and if it breaks just blame faulty manufacturing. “Mine is leaking that milky white stuff too! And the USB port is clogged! Totally a manufacturing error am I right?” I see right through you, you tech sodomizers. Leave those poor consoles alone. 

The Best of Jon Gruden Quotes is Hilarious

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http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap2000000307209/article/jon-gruden-doesnt-want-to-be-considered-for-nfl-job

Gruden is my favorite color commentary guy hands down. Love him. I just wanna bro out with him and watch football 24/7. Gruden’s Grinders is the best halftime segment in football. Needless to say, his quote highlight reel is hilarious. “I don’t know who you are but you’re throwing some fastballs at me here.” Classic. Can’t get enough of it. Hopefully Gruden stays as an analyst because I don’t want to listen to some new asshole talking about football when they don’t know shit. Gruden knows football and does a good job explaining a lot of what goes on in the field. Love when he calls a play, “This is a play action formation right here.” Then they run a play action and you know his in the booth fist pumping like a mother fucker. 

Russia Suffers Terrorist Attack. US Media Concerned Russia’s Official Alert Remained Yellow not Red.

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http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-12-30/why-is-putin-silent-on-pre-sochi-bombings-.html

Russia was hit by a terrorist attack yesterday. A suicide bomber hit a bus and killed 17 people. This attack is allegedly related to another attack that happened the day before this one. Clearly, the public is distressed, and this article talks about Putin being cold and what not, having not addressed the public yet. I can see why you would want your leader to acknowledge the situation, perhaps empathize with the victims of the attack, but on the other hand its not like Putin addressing people is going to help keep them safe. 

I don’t particularly care how Putin handles the situation but one part of the article bothered me:“Russia’s official alert level remained yellow, not red.” Oh gee wiz. Glad I don’t live in Russia. I mean do you see how lax their color coordinated alert system is? I mean how many levels do they even have? How am I supposed to accurately gauge my level of fear if their alert level is yellow all the time?

The alert level in America is probably the dumbest thing we have. If you google “America threat level” the first link is TERROR-ALERT.com, which brings you to a faux official looking page that will let you post the real time threat level on your web page or get an email when it changes. Currently, our threat level is Yellow which apparently means “Significant risk of terrorist attacks”. Good so now I can cower in fear any time I hear a loud noise when I’m out about. 

What the fuck is the point of the threat level? If there were no threat level would you do anything differently? It just boggles my mind that this is even a thing. Did you know the threat level has never been lowered below Yellow? Never. They considered getting rid of the colors below yellow (blue and green) and just making yellow the baseline. So I guess we are forever at significant risk of terrorist attacks. The threat level was inspired by the forest fire color system. You know what the difference is though, right? YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING TO PREVENT FOREST FIRES. If the forest fire system is yellow they close parts of the forest that are most likely to have a fire. If the terror alert system is yellow it means everything is normal but just make sure you keep the horrors of terrorism at the forefront of your thoughts. 

The only thing people do differently because of the threat level is be suspicious of fucking everything because that’s all you can do. “Ooo watch out that 8 year old totally just left his backpack on the bus. Let’s detain him until we can confirm he’s just a little kid with his homework and lunch in there and not some threat to our nation.” It’s so fucking dumb I can’t stand it. This isn’t the Cold War. We don’t need another Red Scare or any of that shit. Worrying has become the national past time and its even more boring than baseball. 

Pats Beat Bills in Classic Bills Fashion. Clinch #2 Seed in the AFC.

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The Patriots fumble 4 times and recover all of them. The Bills let Legarrette Blount lay pipe on them and that was that. Just a classic Bills game. Everything fall the Patriots way, nothing falling the Bills way. It’s was just a perfect example of what its like to be the Bills. The football gods/universe is just constantly against you for whatever reason.

Getting this bye week was CRUCIAL for our success in the playoffs. Our secondary is far too thin to have anyone injured going into a playoff game. Dennard was inactive again this week with that niggling knee injury. When Arrington got hurt too, someone whose name I don’t even know came in to play cornerback. Luckily we released, Marquise “My scabs can’t even cover my open wounds” Cole so no one scored. Devin Mccourty was also out after getting concussed on a man’s thick butt cheek last week.

Given all the rain and the fact that we played the Bills its pretty hard to gauge how good we will be in the playoffs. I will say our red zone offense has gotten a lot better. The Patriots have done a good job with rub routes and disguise. The only passing touchdown was an out route to Vereen who motioned out of the backfield. They scored on this exact same play against the Ravens. Edelman runs a shallow slant to create some traffic and give Vereen some space to get to the end zone.Then when they went for the 2 point conversion, they made it look like they were going to Vereen with a very similar play, but Edelman leaked out into the back of the end zone for a wide open conversion. This is what, Belichick does best. Since the Dolphins game, the Patriots have been outstanding in the red zone. I think the number is around 67% efficiency. That’s pretty darn good.

Hopefully the Bengals win against the Chargers because Andy Dalton is terrible and I’d much rather play them than the Chiefs.

NFL Coaches in the Hot Seat. Who Should get Canned Who Should Stay?

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http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap2000000303736/article/mike-shanahan-jim-schwartz-among-coaches-with-a-case-to-stay

Brian Billick wrote this article for NFL.com. I like Brian Billick. I thought he was a good coach, but his list is trash in terms of his reasoning for keeping or letting coaches go. So here’s my list, because I know you all care so much, with much better reasoning. 

1. Greg Schiano, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

Gotta keep him. I thought he handled the Josh Freeman thing poorly, but it seems he really rallied the troops. If Doug Martin hadn’t gotten injured they could have had a pretty good thing going. Beyond this, constant turnover at the head coaching position is terrible. It takes more than 1 year to get the team where you want them to be. I think its important to evaluate your head coach in the first few years and see if the direction he’s taking the team is where you, as an owner, think it should go. This upcoming year will be critical for Greg Schiano to show he can build a seriously competitive team. 

2. Mike Shanahan, Washington Redskins

FIRE HIM. Brian Billick says thats he should keep him because Shanahan used to win or something stupid like that. FIRE HIM. Worst defense in the league, but not the least talented. Kerrigan, Orakpo, Old Man Fletcher, Deangelo Hall. That’s not a bad defense by a long shot. Yet they have one of the worst defenses in the league. Have to fire all of them. Head coach, defensive coordinator, offensive coordinator. They all have to go. The play calling on offense is the worst I’ve ever seen. Run, Run, Pass if its longer than 2 yards, run if its less than 2 yards. Inevitably punt. The whole Kirk Cousins thing is also absolutely insane. RG3 is not going to get better sitting on the bench. If you’re O-line is so bad you’re concerned for your QBs health you have a serious problem. Can’t say it enough. FIRE HIM.

3. Dennis Allen, Oakland Raiders

The Raiders have been bad for a long time. They’ve drafted poorly for a long, long time. There’s no righting that ship quickly. I agree with Billick on this one. There’s no benefit to firing him and some stability might do the Raiders some good. It at least makes it easier to evaluate a coaches progress with the team if you keep him around for awhile.

4. Leslie Frazier, Minnesota Vikings

Again you have to keep Frazier and see what he’s able to do this upcoming season. Cordarelle Patterson is looking like a great offensive weapon. Hopefully, Matt Cassell’s excellent performances become more consistent. I think you have to go with Matt Cassell as your QB. Christian Ponder has not excelled or even progressed over his first few years and I don’t see him getting much better. 

5. Tom Coughlin

Is he even on the hot seat? 2 Super Bowls under his belt and you’d fire him over a few bad seasons. You can’t win ’em all. Unless you’re Bill Belichick. Obviously keep him. Also Eli Manning sucks donkey dick.

6. Mike Munchak, Tennessee Titans

The pass rush the Titans have is pretty darn good. I feel like the need to bolster their O-line a bit (I say this every year so maybe its just CJ2K) and work him into the passing game. Above all else the just need a consistent QB. Keep him. No real reason to fire him. 

7. Rex Ryan, New York Jets

As a Patriots fan Rex is a must keep. I love crushing Rex year in and year out. What’s best for the Jets? I don’t know. I don’t think there are too many coaches on the market currently and I don’t know if a gamble on a new coach is better than keeping Rex. Good luck Jets fans,

8. Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys aren’t going to get good until Jerry Jones stops thinking he knows football. Just found out his real name is Jerral so that doesn’t help anything. Garrett is perfect for Jones because he’s a shell of a real head coach who will do whatever Jerry tells him to do. The real problem is that defense. They have some pretty good talent on offense. I ❤ Tony Romo and his fat hands I don’t care who knows it. But as I said, with Jones micromanaging (poorly) it doesn’t matter who’s at the helm of this team. 

9. Jim Schwartz, Detroit Lions

The Lions have a bit of a problem here. On the one hand Schwartz has done a good job crafting a competitive team from a big pile of poop. On the other hand Schwartz is a fucking idiot. The Lions should stick it out with Schwartz and try to get him to stop making Maddenesque decisions until they can poach a real coach away from another team. Fake field goal up 2 scores? A lot of idiocy coming from Schwartz.