Patriots Week 5 Friday Morning Recap

This is the new gold standard of NFL celebrations https://t.co/lax4LImOh8

— Pete Blackburn (@PeteBlackburn) October 5, 2018

NE 38 IND 24

I give you Exhibit A: The perfect interception celebration and a true summary of the game as performed by Duron Harmon and Patrick Chung.

Before we delve into my amateur thoughts on the game, I apologize for missing Week 4. I had a prior engagement which took up my entire Sunday afternoon. Devastating, I know.

Overall: This felt like vintage midseason Patriots. You could show highlights of this game and date it between weeks 5-14 of any Patriots season in the past 18 years and I would believe it. The Patriots dominated in all 3 phases of the game. Tom Brady sliced and diced a Colts defense that was softer than the balls Tom Brady was throwing (if you can’t joke about it, you’ll never make peace with it. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I envision choking Deflategaters).

Offense: I’ll start with the offense since Tom Brady came out and eviscerated people to start this game. 12 play, 75-yard, 6:02min, drive that showed, just like Juggernaut, once this offense gets momentum it cannot be stopped. The return of Julian Edelman cannot be understated as he immediately caught a ball in tight space for 6 yards to start the game.

QB: Brady’s stat line would have been even better if Gronk and Hogan didn’t gift the Colts 2 interceptions off would-be catches. 34/44, 341 yards, 3 TDs. Brady had his 500th TD pass to move into 3rd all-time in passing TDs behind Favre and Manning. Brady looked sharp and decisive. With the Colts playing zone for a majority of the game, Brady hung in the pocket and waited for his receivers to sit down in the openings. See his throw to Gronk for 12 yards with a Colts D-lineman draped all over him.

O-Line: Excellent pass protection and run blocking. They looked like an entirely different unit. Some of this is due to Brady’s quick release time, which Troy Aikman will tell you, is boner-inducing. Several running plays were broken wide-open by great interior lineman play.

RBs: Sony Michel and James White prove to be a devastating one-two punch. Michel runs angry and looks for contact. In a ~10 yard run inside the Colts fifteen, he’s about 2 yards from the goal line and like a heat-seeking missile, beelines for Colts safety Geathers and destroys him. He left the game with a neck injury. James White was elusive as ever, shaking defenders in open space and picking up nice chunks. My favorite play featuring these two backs was a misdirection. With Michel and White flanking him on either side, Brady takes the snap in shotgun and looks to his left as if to throw a short pass to James White. The defense swarms to the left leaving Michel unattended with some downfield blockers. Brady pivots and hits Michel on the right side for a nice 10 yards.

WRs: Josh Gordon is a MAN amongst boys. He had two catches on the day. One for a first down and one was a 34yd bomb. NBD. Brady, with enough time in the pocket to paint a portrait, found Gordon on the backside of the end zone. Gordon initially ran a post but, seeing Brady roll to his right, cut back across the field. Brady heaved the ball into double coverage and Gordon went up and plucked it out of the air. A vintage 2007 Moss play. Julian Edelman, aside from a devastating 3rd down drop, was a pillar of consistency. He is already at peak squirrely-ness and shows no signs of relenting.

TE: Gronk continues to be Gronk. Excellent route running. Some of the best hands of any receiver. Whenever the Colts showed man coverage, Gronk became the obvious mismatch.

Colts Defensive Scheme: Aside from letting us kick their dicks, as is the status quo, the Colts stayed in zone coverage, probably 60-70% of the plays. We saw McDaniels take advantage of this with a lot of hitches inside from slot receivers. When the defense stepped up to try to take away underneath the receivers ran slants behind the defenders and exploited the holes.

Defense: The Pats continued to play a lot of single high safety coverage and man underneath but mixed in a fair amount of zone. Overall, they played exceptionally well. It is hard to tell how good the Pats D is since the Colts offense game plan is as simple as “Throw ball. Hope Luck don’t die.”

Defensive Line: Trey Flowers is a PROBLEM. Exceptional athleticism. He disrupted a hapless Colts offensive line all night long. He is one of the defensive linchpins. Overall, I thought the line did a good job disrupting the pocket and taking advantage of a piss poor ground attack.

Linebackers: Dont’a Hightower continues to be slower than dial-up internet. About a yard out of the end zone, the Colts run a play action with Ebron leaking out on a quick drag to the left. Hightower bites a step on the play action and then puts his head down as he tries to “sprint” over to cover Ebron. Overall, I didn’t see much of the backers in coverage and didn’t seem to be a big factor overall in this game.

Secondary: Chung continues to be the most underrated DB on our team. He is crucial to covering large TEs. He is physical with them and uses his body so well to make it difficult for these behemoths to box him out the way they do other DBs. He had textbook coverage on Ebron multiple times shutting down potential plays. It got to the point where Luck was throwing to #2 TE Swoope, who used his size to box McCourty out on the Colts 2nd TD.

Gilmore kills me. We have a hate-hate-hate-love relationship. He appears to play so lazily it makes me scream. This style of play seems to suit him when he plays zone, as he reads the QBs eyes quite well and makes good breaks on the ball. See the play where he breaks coverage off a deep outside route, knowing he has safety help over top, to swat the ball out of the air on a receiver whose route took him into Gilmore’s area.

Overall, this game is a little bit of tease. The Colts suck so fucking much I can’t tell how good the Patriots actually are. Luckily, we have 10 days off before a matchup against a real NFL team, the Kansas City Chiefs.

Personally, I think Mahomes is overrated. Yes, even after he was able to lead his team to victory against the Vikings. If Josh Allen can do it, the bar is set pretty low. Jags v Chiefs this week should give us a real understanding of how well Mahomes can function under pressure and against tight coverage.

 

Patriots Week 3 Monday Morning Recap

NE 10 DET 26

Another rough game for the Patriots in all three phases of the game. Defensively, there is nothing positive to write about.

Defensive Line: Manhandled for the majority of the game, which lead to Detroit finally getting an RB with 100+ rush yds in a game. First time since 2013, GO PATS! Stafford had a clean pocket on nearly every passing play and shredded the Pats secondary. T

Linebackers: Continue to look slower than molasses in January. Every loss the Pats have had this season gives me flashbacks to the Super Bowl from this past February. No name RBs running routes against dudes who look like they’re running in waist-high water.

Secondary: A miscommunication between Stephon Gilmore and Duron Harmon lead to a long TDto Marvin Jones Jr. The secondary consists of the McCourty twins and a bunch of dudes of the street. With Chung and Rowe out, the DBs simply looked outmatched.

Scheme: First half, Pats played mostly man coverage. As the game wore on and the D-lineman continued to get their collective dicks kicked in by Ragnow and Co., the Pats played a lot more zone in the second half and loaded the box. Hightower lining up on the LOS alongside the D-end to try to set some sort of edge and stop the hemorrhaging.

Offense: Also horrific.

QB: It’s hard for me to assess Brady’s performance, as no one was open the majority of the game except for Gronk. There appeared to be excellent coverage leading to sacks, PBUs and an overall ineffective offense.

O-Line: Got destroyed by the 32nd rush defense in the NFL. The pass protection in the second half was much improved but coverage down the field led to sacks, hurries and missed opportunities.

RBs: Sony Michel ran well when he had space but he had at least two drops out of the backfield. Burkehead broke his neck or something trying to see the ball as Brady threw him a corner route that he did not run well.

WRs: Phillip Dorsett was atrocious and continues to underwhelm. Chris Hogan, playing the slot in lieu of Julian Edelman, was allegedly on the field and at one point was in the vicinity of the ball for sure.

TE: Gronk was excellent. One drop on a tough ball along the sideline. Probably the only good aspect of offense right now.

 

Where do we go from here? Miami. Jk. With hot takes as the currency of sports media, the alarm bells are going off and panic is in the streets as people clamor to be the one who “called it” that this is finally the year the wheels fall of the Patriots franchise.

This has a very similar feel to seasons past. The Pats go 2-2 in the first 4 games and then get their shit together. The Dolphins, despite being 3-0, are primed for a beating. Over 3 games their opponents have more 1st downs, 3rd down conversions, total yards of offense and more time of possession. Miami has capitalized on turnovers but has no business being 1 of 3 undefeated teams. Ryan Tannehill is still a mediocre QB at best and Kenyan Drake has yet to prove that he is anything more than a middling RB of suspect talent.

The return of Chung, Flowers, and Rowe to the defensive side of the ball should hopefully infuse the team with some much-needed talent and speed. Offensively, Gordon will eventually play, Edelman is back in Week 5 and we can’t play any worse than these past two weeks so the only place to go is up.

The Brady, Belichick, Kraft Rift is a Farce of Epic Proportions

 

I have been forced out of my blogging silence and back into the fray due to ESPN and their septic tank of an article. A piece loaded with out of context quotes from “unnamed Patriots staffers”, copious speculation and flat out bologna (pardon my language).

Broadly, the media traction which the article has garnered, largely due to prior relationships between the Patriots and ESPN’s roll Deflategate and their poor journalism, has lead to many more speculative articles. All of them citing an article, which for all intents and purposes could have been initially written on actual feces.

Since the ESPN article has no real sources or quotes, I think my counter blog here has equal weight and validity and should be taken as seriously, if not more seriously than ESPN’s article, as long as I use more unnamed sources and have a hotter take.

As the title suggests, the article is centered around the idea that Brady, Belichick, and Kraft will not be around forever and that the end is closer than you think.

Their basis for these allegations is at best laughable and at worst carcinogenic to the poor readers at home. Anything bolded below is a direct quote from the ESPN article and may or may not be cancer-causing and/or vomit inducing.

1. The release of  The TB12 Method signaled that Brady’s character had changed, in large part due to his longtime personal trainer, business partner and godfather to his children Alex Guerrero. Belichick’s rescinding of Guerrero’s access to the team was proof that Guerrero’s relationship with Brady was straining his relationship with Belichick. The subsequent tearing of Edelman’s ACL lead to: “New players felt the surest way to earn Brady’s trust was to join Rob Gronkowski, Danny Amendola, and others by seeking advice from Guerrero at his TB12 clinic — and not team doctors, which Belichick preferred” (you know, instead of playing well on the football field).

It continues to blow my mind that anyway reads this article and goes “Wow. That was a well researched, heavily fact-based piece of writing that makes me think something is wrong with the Patriots organization.” Speculating that players thought the best way to find chemistry with BRADY ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD was to go see HIS PERSONAL TRAINER is fucking insane. How do you publish that? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the best way to be Brady’s #1 receiver is TO PLAY FOOTBALL WITH HIM A LOT AND BE GOOD AT IT.

Are you seriously trying to tell me, ESPN, that Dwayne Allen hasn’t been getting as many receptions as Gronk because he’s not going to Alex Guerrero? Can we assume that all the players who aren’t integral to the offense aren’t going to Guerrero? BRADY IS MAKING ACTIVE ON-FIELD, IN GAME DECISIONS CRITICAL TO WINNING FOOTBALL GAMES to not throw to people BASED ON THEIR PERSONAL TRAINER.

2a. “Belichick drafted Jimmy Garoppolo out of Eastern Illinois — the first sign that Belichick was invested in a future that did not include the quarterback who had changed his life and legacy”

I’ll just leave this here: 

Does this mean when Belichick drafted Jacoby Brissett he was investing in a future that didn’t involve Jimmy G? How about when he drafted Ryan Mallett and Zac Robinson and Kevin O’Connell and Matt Cassel and Kliff Kingsbury? Belichick does what he feels is best for the team. Simply drafting a QB is not a sign that Brady is being phased out.

2b. “In beating the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLIX, the two men drew strength from different touchstones. Belichick found virtue in his idea of the Patriot Way — the demanding, football-first culture with an emotionless pursuit of victory — and Brady found virtue in his Method, which he believed helped him thwart the inevitability of time, reinforcing his belief that he was still not on the downside of his career and deserving of a new contract”

Yawn. Literally, no way to know this. 100% speculation and 100% false.

2c. Brady’s two-year contract, with a $28 million signing bonus, was designed to set up 2018 as a key year, when the team could, in theory, look at a 41-year-old Brady and his $22 million cap hit and decide if it made sense to transition to Garoppolo.

Given that Tom Brady was the #1 overall QB in the NFL when he negotiated this contract, coming in at 14th highest paid at his position, sandwiched between Matt Ryan (RIP) and Ryan “Fucking” Tannehill seems like a pretty good deal for the team regardless of their future plans. Spare me this idea that the contract was designed just in case Garopollo panned out.

3. But several players told staffers and coaches that Guerrero gave them the impression that Belichick would no longer allow them to work with him. In the view of many Patriots, it was an example of Guerrero trying to split the organization by turning players against Belichick.

Many Patriots? Could you give us names please, ESPN? You can’t just cite conversations you have no evidence of happening and then reference the feelings of players with respect to the conversations you just made up. Lies and tomfoolery aside, I can’t believe anyone is entertaining an idea that a non-Patriots player would have any sway, whatsoever, to essentially incite a coup against Belichick. You know, the man WHO ACTUALLY EMPLOYS THEM AND CAN CUT THEM AT ANY TIME. But by all means, I’m sure players were willing to leave their NFL careers to make a statement about which personal trainer they wanted to work with.

4. Brady all of a sudden can’t handle getting criticism from Belichick publicly, cause he’s old now or something.

Quoting this was going to be annoying so you’ll have to go wade through Mr. Wickersham’s diarrhea to find it. This is again, ridiculous, factless, speculation that makes no sense. We have heard for the better part of 2 decades two things: Brady is an incredibly driven, self-critical perfectionist and this plays great with Belichick’s coaching style. Spare me a formal investigation if I don’t believe that all of sudden Brady thinks he’s perfect and doesn’t like it when Big Bad Belichick wags his finger at him in front of the 20-somethings.

5. “Atypically, he has missed a lot of practices and, in the team’s private evaluations, is showing the slippage of a 40-year-old quarterback even as he is contending for MVP and is as deadly as ever with the game on the line.”

Contradiction much? This sentence has as much credibility as the entire article itself. So what you’re saying is these private team evaluations, which are apparently not private given that you’ve been made privy to them, show that Brady is slipping, despite the fact that he’s an MVP candidate AKA one of the top performing players in the league and still the most clutch player in the league. Got it. Definitely, don’t want that guy on my team.

6. “Brady has noted to staff a few times this year that, no matter how many game-changing throws he makes, Belichick hasn’t awarded him Patriot of the Week all year.”

This right here may be the most damning sentence in the entire article. A man who has based his entire career off of winning Super Bowls and playoff games is frustrated enough to vent to “staff” that he hasn’t been named Patriot of the Week all year?! I’ve literally never heard of Patriot of the Week until right now because it means diddly squat.

7. “The Patriots repeatedly offered Garoppolo four-year contract extensions, in the $17 million to $18 million range annually that would go higher if and when he succeeded Brady. Garoppolo and Yee rejected the offers out of hand, for reasons that remain unclear, and the Patriots knew they couldn’t make any promises to Garoppolo about the timing of a transition at quarterback without it getting back to Brady.”

First of all, the reasons remain unclear because he has no credible sources and no idea what his stubby, grease covered fingers are producing as he absentmindedly pounds his keyboard. Secondly, these were rejected because Jimmy G wants to be a starter NOW and as I’ve referenced in previous points, the QB market is insane right now. Yee and Garoppolo both knew Brady is going to play for another 4 years and there’s no reason a young stud like Jimmy G should be relegated to the bench during prime years of his career when he could be commanding big time money as a starter.

Brady and Garoppolo share an agent and you can’t figure out why Yee might have knowledge about Brady’s timetable and Garoppolo’s career desires and earning potential that would lead him to reject offers that would be ridiculously low for a starting QB of his caliber?

8. “According to staffers, the meeting [with Kraft] ran long, lasting half the day and pushing back Belichick’s other meetings. The office was buzzing. The meeting ended with a clear mandate to Belichick: trade Garoppolo because he would not be in the team’s long-term plans, and then, once again, find the best quarterback in the draft and develop him. Belichick was furious and demoralized, according to friends. But in the end, he did what he asks of his players and coaches: He did his job.“

Since, once again, Wickersham offers no quotes, names or credible sources let me put a different perspective on this meeting. “After months of courting Garoppolo, unsuccessfully and countless rejected long-term offers, the GM and HC Bill Belichick met with owner Bob Kraft to discuss the future of their budding young QB. After avoiding trading Garoppolo in the offseason, with the hopes of holding on to him and building the franchise in a post-Brady era, Belichick and Kraft finally came to terms with the fact that Garoppolo was going to start in 2018, even if it meant leaving the team that had already given him so much. The Browns front office is a trainwreck (see the botched AJ McCarron trade) and Belichick and Kraft’s mutual respect for Garoppolo eliminated the Browns as a potential landing spot.  Hoping the prodigal son might one day return to the Patriots, Belichick saw an opportunity in the struggling 49ers franchise. 49ers GM John Lynch had already inquired about trading for either Tom Brady or Jimmy Garoppolo, much to his chagrin, so Belichick was certain he would be able to get a reasonable return on investment. With a heavy heart, Belichick agreed to trade Jimmy Garoppolo to the 49ers for a 2nd round pick, keeping Garoppolo out of the conference, hopeful he might one day return to the team that started his career.”

I like my narrative better and since Wickersham and I have the same unnamed sources and facts, I have to believe my narrative is far closer to reality than his. Also, I used hyperlinks. Bitch.

9. “And he [Kraft] stood by Brady during Deflategate, even after he backed down and accepted the NFL’s penalty. Kraft did so even though many staffers in the building believed there was merit in the allegation, however absurd the case.”

No one in the Patriots organization believed the allegations. No one who understands PV=nRT believed the allegations. I find it interesting there are no PSIs being reported after the bitterly cold Week 17 bout against the Jets. I digress.

10. ESPN is a failing company creating controversy where there is none in the hopes that poorly written, poorly sourced, click-bait articles will be enough to keep their shitty organization afloat. To call this shoddy piece of garbage journalism is a discredit to actual journalists who write based on facts and reality. About 95% of this article is speculation and the other 5% comes from “unnamed sources,” “people close to the situation,” and “staffers” or “staff”. After the horrendous reporting from ESPN which directly lead to Deflategate, I’m quite shocked anyone within the Patriots would want to speak to a senior writer from ESPN or even be allowed to speak with him.

TL;DR

Suck my balls ESPN. Get real sources and a writer who’s not looking to push some nonsense to get his name in the press before his book drops.

P.S.

Yes, eventually Brady, Belichick, and Robert Kraft will ride off into the sunset leaving me to reminisce about watching the most dominant NFL franchise in the Super Bowl Era. But that time is not now and not nearly as close as this jamoke paints it to be. I have to believe that the class, respect, loyalty, and humility with which these men have carried themselves these past 18 years will continue, even as they pass the torch and move on in life.

How to Fix the NFL Ref/Penalties Problem in 2 Easy Steps

It seems like every week the NFL is embroiled in a refereeing controversy. My interwebs have been blown up with articles about making the NFL refs full time and how to end the madness. I have a simple 2 step solution that is so easy even the pea-brained Roger Goodell could get behind hit.

1. Give both teams an extra challenge specific only for penalties. We have pylon cams. We have flying cams. We have more cameras and angles than we honestly know what do with yet we penalties can’t be challenged? Look at notorious NFL scumbag Vontaze Burfict flop his way to 15 yards being an insufferable piece of shit. Surely, an NFL coach should be able to challenge the personal foul enforced on Steve Smith. The game has already slowed down because nearly every game-changing play from scores to turnovers is reviewed, so spare me the pace of the game argument. The ticky tacky PI and holding calls have already made watching many NFL games intolerable. If the coach challenges a penalty and the ruling is overturned in their favor they should also be given another penalty, similar to the third coaches challenge given if the coach is correct in his first two challenges.
2. Make all plays AND penalties reviewable by the booth after the two-minute warning. I feel like this is a no-brainer. Again, all the controversial plays are reviewed anyway because people are terrified a ref might make a bad call, yet we don’t hold penalties to the same scrutiny? It makes no sense. Especially, in controversial non-calls towards the end of games. There are plenty of nitpicky calls that get made when the game isn’t on the line and as soon as it’s the final plays of the game every ref seems to have their flag soaked in glue in their pockets, scared to throw it. With a review from the booth to fall back on, I think refs would be more willing to call the game the same way from start to finish without worrying they might get blasted for costing a team the game on a bad penalty.

There you have it. I’d love it there was actual meaningful discussion about games, teams, players and situational football rather than wasting at least half of any sports show blathering on about a bad call here or there.

Jamie Collins: Gone but not Forgotten

Goodnight, sweet prince. I have broken my blog silence to discuss the Jamie Collins trade briefly. Also, I can’t have that trash “Jags will win the AFC south” blog as my last post. Truly, an embarrassing prediction I made. With all that talent and relatively inept division members, I thought for sure the AFC South was ripe for the Jags picking. Unfortunately, they are the Jags and they will continue their existence in last place misery.

I digress. Collins was an exceptionally versatile playmaker. He was fantastic in coverage as well as pass rush and showed ridiculous athleticism (read hurdling the line to block a FG). So his midseason trade left many Patriots fans distraught and looking for answers. Like most sports writers, all I have are musings and guesses based on the same shit you all read on the internet.

1. Bill Belichick understands football better than any of you fans questioning the trade for a compensatory pick.

One of the biggest complaints I heard is that we should have kept him for the season and let Collins walk after our Super Bowl victory, claiming a compensatory 3rd round pick for the loss. Do you really, honestly, actually believe Bill Belichick didn’t think of that? He’s been HC and GM for the past decade and a half, building teams that consistently win to the tune of 13 AFC East championships and 10 AFCCG appearances. But you hardcore fans think Belichick missed something it took you all of five minutes to figure out on your own?

If Collins walks and doesn’t get a big ass contract the Pats get nothing. If Collins walk, but due to the Patriots recent success big name free agents take pay cuts to sign with the Pats in the offseason we could end up with nothing. Free agent acquisitions play into compensatory pick calculations as well as player losses. If Collins tears his ACL, we get a fat nothing.

2.  The Pats had no leverage in trading Collins.

We offered him $11 million/year. That’s public knowledge. Now the teams interested in a trade dwindles to the number of teams with the cap space to sign him to a “Von Miller-like deal” aka $19 million/year.

Top 5 teams by cap space are Browns, 49ers, Jags, Titans, Panthers.

Ok. Now, these 5 teams could just as easily wait until Collins walks (and we all know he was going to walk) before they sign him. What leverage does Belichick have to ask for a 1st round pick or whatever you ninnies think Collins was worth? The answer is none. Those teams stink. They’re all divisional bottom feeders who aren’t winning shit this year and can wait to finish out their losing seasons before signing some big names. So let’s just simmer down with the Belichick heat.

What does this mean for the team moving forward?

This is the question people should really be asking. The timing of this trade was almost certainly planned, in that it occurred during our bye week. Belichick and that Patriots now have ~2 weeks to prepare for the Seahawks and can devote a lot of that time to figuring out who can fill in for Jamie Collins.

Elandon Roberts is now in the spotlight as he has shared time at Collins’ position this season. So far he has done well with the snaps he was given, but time will tell if he can compete as a regular starter. As far as my speculation goes, although Collins may have been a great defensive player and incredibly versatile, I think his impact on the defensive unit as a whole is overblown. The NFL has become a pass-heavy league as many pundits will tell you and the void Collins leaves I think can be filled with more Big Nickle formations featuring Chung as the 3rd safety. He can provide help with run defense as well as coverage on strong, pass catching TEs. Ninkovich also has experience playing inside and although he is not the fastest, can certainly provide some veteran play while things shake out.

As far as the Seahawks are concerned, the are where I think the loss of Collins will probably be felt is QB containment. Russell Wilson is incredible at extending the play and scrambling for first downs. In the past we’ve seen the Patriots struggle to contain the likes of Tyrod Taylor and Wilson himself. Collins’ athleticism provided us with a player who could spy Wilson particularly well and bring him to the ground if he rushed. Without Collins, Sheard and Chis Long will have a lot of the burden pushed to them, as outside rushers, to keep Wilson in the pocket. As good as Hightower has played, I don’t think he has the quickness to stay with Wilson if he pursues him outside the pocket.

Prediction: Patriots win 34-17 with Legarrette Blount rushing for 100+ yds and 2 TDs.

 

The Jacksonville Jaguars will win the AFC South

I’ve been a long hiatus. With the Bruins and Celtics out of the playoffs and my distinct lack of baseball knowledge I’ve decided to make my annual bold NFL prediction.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are going to win the AFC South. Yes they gave up the second most points in NFL last year. They also have Dante Fowler Jr coming back from his unfortunate ACL tear. The Jags first 5 picks were all defensive players. Jalen Ramsey and Myles Jack have incredible upside. The increased pass rush combined with new blood in the secondary should help to ameliorate some of the defensive problems the Jags had last season. Julius Thomas is going to have a full off season healthy. TJ Yeldon will be healthy and provide a stable backfield. He can run and catch and had over 1000 yards from scrimmage in 12 games. The surprising Allen duo can also help the Jags bring their offense to the next level. Both Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns posted over 1000 receiving yards and proved to be invaluable targets for burgeoning QB Blake Bortles (who also smoked me on more than one occasion in fantasy).

The Colts did little to address their defensive issues last year, leading them to give up the 8th most points in the NFL. The Colts are also still headed by Chuck Pagano who, in my opinion, is one of the least adaptable “old school” coaches I’ve seen. I’m pretty confident his idea of a game plan is to tell his team they need to “play with more heart” and “show them who’s boss.” Despite Andrew Luck and his best efforts, the Colts also sported the 8th worst offense in the NFL. Yes Matt Hasselback played a lot of games but at the end of the day this team is going no where fast.

The Texans went all in on the Brock Osweiler train and are fucking morons. Brock Osweiler was the definition of a game manager. People talk bad about Russell Wilson and Teddy Bridgewater, both of whom are better than Osweiler. He sucks ass and I will drink his tears as he languishes in the barbecue pit called Houston. Despite having Deandre Hopkins, the Texans continue to prove that a QB is essential for any offensive success. They drafted 2 WRs in the first 3 rounds of the 2016 draft and are in for a rough year. Yes their defense was in the top 10 in points allowed last year, but at some point teams are going to figure out how to keep JJ Watt from ruining their day if he doesn’t have other playmakers behind him. Brian Cushing is great and they have a few other good players on their defense but I don’t see this team winning the AFC South in consecutive years with their current offense.

Lastly, the Titans. I don’t think I need to speak about them. They were in the bottom six teams for both points allowed and points scored. Marcus Mariota is still raw and given the franchise he’s in I can’t really get a gauge on how good he is. The picked up DeMarco Murray and have a good offensive line so perhaps they can get to “not sucking total asshole” but with so many areas needing to be addressed they won’t sniff the top of the AFC South.

Final Prediction: Jags finish the season 11-5 winning the AFC South.

Cam Newton is What’s Right with Football

Cam Newton is why we watch football. Cam Newton is one of the few shreds of light in an otherwise shackled game. The fact that people are blasting Newton for dancing in the endzone and for being a sour puss after losing the biggest game of his life is absurd. We shove cameras in people’s faces in the most emotional moments of their lives to live vicariously through them. To see the passion with which they play the game, to see how much this means to them. As fans of this game, we would hope that those playing the game care far more than we do about the outcome.

There are videos every year of losing fans smashing TVs and creating mayhem. Cam Newton gives one word answers and walks out on a interview because he can here his opponents bathing in his tears and suddenly its like all the kids in the world who saw this are growing up to be murderers now. No kid is ever going to have to give an interview about how they got their dick’s kicked in and their dreams smashed. All good sportsmanship entails is shaking your opponents hand and telling them good job, which is what Newton did after the game. Everything after that is fluff and nonsense.

I love the way Cam Newton plays and I love the way he handled that loss. I’m sure Broncos fans everywhere are using his dejected post game interview in place of viagra at this very moment. It is great to have your team win and even better to see someone as in your face as Cam Newton be diminished to a pouting school child. Every time I see Richard Sherman’s horrified look as he realizes Malcolm Butler sealed the game for the Patriots, I cream myself. That will probably happen for the rest of my life. It was all the sweeter seeing him crestfallen as he had minutes ago mocked Darrelle Revis for giving up a TD to Doug Baldwin.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. The NFL may be a business but football is still a competition and a game. All year Cam said “if you don’t want me to dance keep me out of the end zone” and he kept his promise.

 

 

Before We’re “On to Philly” Let me Vent a Little

http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/0ap3000000591223/Patriots-Rob-Gronkowski-flagged-for-offensive-pass-interference-on-crucial-3rd-down

Skip to time 4:10

As much as I’m trying to move on to Philadelphia, I can’t scrub the abortion of a game I watched last night from my brain. Perhaps my rage fueled venting will help me move on from this nonsense.

First turn your attention to the videos I posted above. One is the offensive PI call on Gronk. The other is the defensive PI call on Chung. Both coming in crucial situations and both absolutely rail roading the Patriots. I just don’t understand how you make one of those calls one way and make the other call the opposite. Either they’re both offensive PIs or they’re both defensive PIs.

I wish these were the only blown calls in the game but the Football Gods were not merciful. A holding call on Tre Jackson eliminated a 50 yard pass to Keyshawn Martin. The clock debauchery regarding the excessive timeout. Too many games, not just Pats games, are getting ruined by the refs. It needs to be fixed because its ruining the game.

As far as actual gameplay goes, I thought the Pats did as well as they could have given the situation. They were making plays when they needed to be made. The Broncos style of defense left Gronk with a lot of mismatches, which he was able to take advantage of. Bolden continues to impress in the passing game with a lot of great catches. Brandon LaFell seems to still be struggling with the dropsies which seems to be contagious Scott Chandler continues to perform like a man with vaseline all over his hands.

The defense looked great until Dont’a Hightower went down. This is a defense that has been battered with injuries including Jamie Collins. Patrick Chung is the unsung hero of the defense. I don’t read a lot of hype bullcrap but I’m going to doubt he’s getting the attention he deserves. He has been playing a lot of man coverage and has done a phenomenal job these past few weeks. Malcolm Butler continues to show he is a true #1 CB and can play with the big boys. With the weather conditions the way they were, we knew it was going to be a grind it out kind of game, unfortunately for us things just didn’t fall our way.

The biggest news I saw yesterday, as I stared at the TV in a depressed catatonic state, was that Brock Osweiler is apparently the second coming of Manning and is just a fucking football god. Let me nip that bullshit right in the butt. People are talking about how Belichick normally disguises his coverages and how Brock must just be some type of savant. This is not the case. It was man coverage almost exclusively and the clutch throws Brock made were on streaks up the field with man coverage. He didn’t have to do anything hard. You play that game any other day and he has at least one more interception and 100 less pass yards.

Lastly, I’d like to congratulate Chris Collinsworth for having the strength and courage to be so forward about his relationship with Brock Osweiler. I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a broadcaster do a game live with someone else’s dick in their mouth for the whole game. At times it was hard to understand Collinsworth, but his love for Brock Osweiler would not be denied.

Will the Patriots Reign of Terror Stop? ……no.

This early bye week has given me some time to reflect on the Patriots current situation and the stupidity of the pundits once again. First of all, anyone who thought the Colts were going to be top dog in the AFC is a moron and you should now wear an “i’m with stupid” t-shirt, with the arrow pointing directly at your dumb face for the rest of the NFL season. Chuck Pagano is a lovable oaf. That’s it. He is a terrible NFL coach. How do you have two games against the same team where your opponent goes in with the EXACT same game plan and get absolutely steam rolled twice. Does Chuck know what halftime adjustments are? Plays? Formations? Does he just go in at halftime and tell everyone to play with more heart? Honestly. I want to know how a man who’s only job is to change his team’s scheme went to play the same opponent twice without changing anything.

Second of all, after watching the Broncos squeak out a win against the Vikings, we all know they aren’t winning shit in the AFC. They should probably get some sort of AFC playoff participant banner ready to go. Yes, their defense is quite good. Their pass rush has been phenomenal and I think a lot of credit has to go to Wade Phillips and the way he’s using his players. Problem is, Peyton Manning’s arm is dead. They had a small closed casket wake attended by Peyton’s good arm and his enormous head. The fall of Manning’s QB abilities is staggering. I think it highlights how good he is at pre-play adjustments and reading defense because he couldn’t even have a paper route at this point. They’re remaking the game duck hunt but its just Peyton lobbing soft balls near a pond. Beagles everywhere just rushing to their tv screens hoping to go fetch what he’s throwing.

I’m not going to address the Bengals/The Red Rifle, because we all know they will get themselves knocked out of the playoffs first round, if they don’t implode before hand.

So the real question becomes, will the Patriots go 19-0? The answer is almost assuredly yes. People have been fairly shocked by the effectiveness of the Patriots offense and the resurgence of Tom Brady. I think they also forget this is Tom Brady’s first offseason in god knows how long where we didn’t lose every offensive starter minus Gronk. There is no “Brady needs to get on the same page as X.” Brady is on the same page with everyone and this is what it looks like. More offensive production than 2007.

Dion Lewis is an animal and cannot be contained. He has been Shane Vereen 2.0. Unreal lateral quickness. Finishes runs like a back who weighs 230. Hands like a receiver. Belichick has probability had a versatility related boner since the day we signed him. Everything else about this offense is the same as last year. Gronk is the best mismatch in the NFL bar none. Edelman and Amendola get the job done. Probably the second biggest surprise has been the offensive line. I’ve seen articles floating about the internet referencing Belichick’s genius once again. All I know is, the Patriots have been shuffling offensive lineman like a Vegas poker dealer with amazing results.

Defensively, the patriots have been a lot better than anyone thought. Malcolm Butler had his first test against a real receiver in Antonio Brown and proved he can play with the big dogs. Since then he’s been our consistent number 1 CB. Devin Mccourty got his first pick last week against the pop warner team known as the Jaguars. The gem of our defense has been the pass rush. Chandler Jones has been exceptional using his length to man handle offensive linemen and get to opposing QBs. The defensively line hasn’t done a great job against the run but in this day and age if you want to win football games you gotta pass the ball.

Captain Salami’s Bold Prediction: Pats beat the Packers in Superbowl L 31-28 ending a perfect season. Count it.

…And We’re Talking About SpyGate Again……

Time is a flat circle folks. We’re actually talking about SpyGate again. Someone bludgeon me until I can’t tell right from Goodell. The absolute worst part about this is the people who were just talking about how the Patriots obviously cheated in DeflateGate; the same people who took out of context texts and believed them as good as video evidence of Brady jamming needles into balls; somehow feel validated by all of this.

The ESPN article (which I will not link here because fuck them) states in its opening paragraph that DeflateGate was a make up call for SpyGate. Yet, apparently the people who believed DeflateGate suddenly don’t remember how incriminating the “Deflater” texts were. How sure they were that the Patriots deflated balls and Tom Brady was the orchestrator of a secret, criminal deflation scheme.

Do you idiots not remember this? So what now? You knew that DeflateGate was just an apology for SpyGate the whole time? All you geniuses, are trolls who can predict the future and clung to DeflateGate like life preserver? Either DeflateGate was real or what all Patriots fans have been saying was true and the rest of you can eat a fat dick. Which is it? I need to know.

Moving on from the fact that DeflateGate has now been admitted to be a witch hunt, I want one name. One real name from one real former Patriots coach who is allegedly dishing out all these dirty secrets. The only name cited in the entire ESPN article is a one Matt Walsh, the original SpyGate guy who has more credibility issues than Ray Lewis and his missing white suit. There is not one shred of evidence to any of these allegations.

Are you dinguses noticing a pattern yet? There was no evidence for DeflateGate and no evidence in the SpyGate article that the Patriots have ever done anything wrong, except win. The most winningest franchise since the start of free agency in fact. Probably the most winningest franchise in history by the time Brady and Belichick finally hang it up and get their busts in Canton.

What’s that I hear? A bunch of sour fans of loser NFL franchises screaming that the Patriots clearly are doing some sketchy things because of all the accusations (read the latest SI article to pile on to this click bait). Well lets do a thought experiment here shall we? Lets say you’re right. Belichick is the most evil mastermind to ever live and has been bugging, stealing and slightly cheating in every way imaginable. This is what you people believe, right? With all the security measures and precautions team take how has there never been one shred of evidence found that the Patriots are doing anything illegal. Not one.

“You could say the rest of the NFL is paranoid, and you might be right. What’s not debatable is that New England, because of that lack of trust, is inside opponents’ heads, forcing other teams to devote time, brainpower and resources to protecting themselves.”

Sorry we have so much headspace in the rest of the NFL that it negatively impacts their play. That’s their fault not ours. Be better maybe? Actually win something? Or just spread lies and cry about illegal formations.

I’ll just leave this here and call it at that:

http://thornography.weei.com/sports/boston/2015/09/09/video-spygate-was-happening-in-1992/