Thousands Riot at Dayton. Over 150 Arrested. Just Kidding Its not Umass. Only 28 Arrested.


Did you hear about the rioting at Dayton Ohio? It probably made national news right? I mean do you see all those kids? That’s like thousands of kids crowding the streets. THE STREETS! That poor car has been enveloped by people. How many people were tear gassed? How many riot cops did they send in? Hundreds? Must have been like at least 100 people arrested if 77 were arrested at the Umass Blarney Blowout right?

….Oh. 28 people were arrested? That’s it? But I mean it made international news right? When you google “Dayton Riots” there are like 5 links to this specific event. …Oh. Well…. I mean…Their chancellor or dean must have sent a scathing email to the student body talking about how they devalued their degree and brought shame to their University? I mean making it to the Elite 8 in March Madness shouldn’t be a legitimate reason for a riot. What’s that you say? Said scathing email has yet to turn up on the internets? Some bottles were thrown and 2 officers were assaulted but only 28 arrests? The officers simply ASKED THE STUDENTS TO MOVE TO THE SIDEWALK AND THEY DID? SHOCKER!

If this happened at Umass, the ensuing shitstorm would last for months. A lot of people said Umass students had it coming and deserved all the pepper spray to the face that they got. Well, why isn’t anyone saying that about Dayton students. They were clearly rioting. Clearly not disbursing. Clearly creating a ruckus and a commotion. The reporter mentions how many empty beer cans there were. They all should have been pepper sprayed, apparently. People should be asking why the cops didn’t use pepper spray. It was clearly a dangerous situation. Frankly, I’m shocked the cops didn’t bring out the pepper spray and start blasting. I mean, if we use Umass as a precedent, all those unarmed students should have blasted and I should be hearing everyone saying how they deserved it.

Where is everyone saying Dayton is a party school and all the students are stupid? Oh that’s right no one is saying that because the administration handled this gathering properly and didn’t send out a fucking email saying their degree was devalued. You know why? Because the Dayton Chancellor isn’t a moron. Who is an outsider to argue with the Chancellor? “Well the Chancellor said their degrees are devalued, so I’ll take his word for it. He is the Chancellor after all.”

Don’t gimme this “Well, they made it to the Elite Eight” bullshit either. People acted like Umass students involved in Blarney Blowout should have all been arrested and expelled. If rioting is that severe of an act. That damaging of an act, then you don’t turn a blind eye to it because you won a fucking basketball game. Bunch of fucking hypocrites. A lot of people commented on my last blog saying how I was a privileged little shit for expecting my Alma Mater to treat its students with a little respect, that I should grovel at the feet of the administration for even going to college in the first place. Well, where are those same people calling out Dayton students for disrespecting their school and their administration.

The only reason Blarney Blowout was a big deal was because Umass made it a big deal. That’s why I was so pissed and I’m still pissed. It is the students fault for rioting, it always is. Clearly, however, it is the school’s handling of the situation that dictates how the media and country perceives it. 2 officers were assaulted at Dayton. Bottles were thrown. It sounded very similar to Umass except it wasn’t a big fucking deal and they had half of the arrests that Umass did. A fucking porch roof collapsed and I just found that out because there is so little news coming in about this “riot”.

You want to be a BCS school Umass? You want to have deep runs into the March Madness tournament? You want to be a Michigan or a Maryland and compete with the big dogs? Fine. But don’t act like your student body acts abhorrently, or totally out of place when they start acting like the student bodies of your competition. Learn to fucking deal with it or stop being assholes and go back to being meaningless in March and having a Division 1AA football team that is even more meaningless.


Stupid People are Mad the Show Cosmos Doesn’t Address Creationism……


It continues to boggle my mind how ungrateful creationists are. We have freedom of religion in America. You can believe and worship anything you want. Anything. As long as your religion doesn’t break other laws, you could worship a piece of dog shit you stepped in. That’s not good enough for Creationists though. No siree. We apparently have to pretend like Creationism is a science. General relativity, dark matter, Creationism. Its all science, right?

Whatever happened to separation of church and state, huh? Why in the world would we teach Creationism in schools? Why? “Oh because it explains shit and sounds science like!” SHUT YOUR PIG MOUTH. It may do those things, but guess what? It’s based on RELIGIOUS TEXT. There boom. Now shut the fuck up about teaching it in schools and acting like its a science. It’s not. Bill Nye did a bad thing by debating this very topic because Creationists are morons. You cannot be a Creationist and be respected in the scientific world. In that dumb Bill Nye debate, they show some inventor asshole who’s also a Creationist and talk about how you can like science and be a Creationist yada yada yada. Hey, that’s great for you inventor guy but you’re still a fucking moron. 

I can’t stress it enough. If you don’t believe in evolution you are literally ignoring hundreds of years of scientific research and evidence and pointing to a book, written by people thousands of years ago and saying this is how it went down. I think infinitely less of you if you don’t believe in evolution. It’s not up for debate. No matter how hard you wave your Bible in people’s faces, you are wrong. 

I love the pseudo-logic that goes into trying to prove how evolution is wrong. Love it. You think you pea-brained individuals found loopholes and shit that thousands of scientists haven’t already thought about? You think you just stumbled upon the holes in the theory of evolution? Darwin didn’t publish his findings for years because he knew he would be ridiculed if he didn’t cover his ass. Read a fucking book that’s not the Bible and get a full grasp of evolutionary biology before you come around asking, “Oh if evolution is real how long in between the first man and woman evolved?” I don’t have time to actually answer those questions because they require a grasp of science and some basis of intellect. 

Just because you have a book that says masturbating is bad and I can take slaves from neighboring countries doesn’t mean all the evidence of evolution is somehow invalidated. Where the fuck is your missing link? Where is all your hard evidence? Oh you have no evidence? Everything is located in one book with no hard evidence to back up anything from that text? How lucky for you. Makes me wonder why evolutionary scientists need to come up with more “missing links” and fossils when you haven’t come up with one thing other than the Bible that proves Creationism is right.

Sometimes I just want to throttle someone. You know? 

Nick Cannon Went Whiteface But Don’t Worry, It’s not Racist Because its not Blackface


Read some stuff on the internet about how Nick Cannon went whiteface and white people are mad because of the double standard. Don’t worry guys. Its not a double standard though. See, because white people used to be really racist and use black face as a means of demeaning black people in America, no white person can ever make their skin artificially darker for the purposes of costume or looking like a black celebrity (except Robert Downey Jr, he transcends racism). Did I clear that up for you guys? Its like how it was racist for Miley Cyrus to twerk because: ” until such time as black people are not ridiculed and debased for the styles and music and lifestyle that they create, live and breathe, hands off. Until such time as black fashion, art and music can become mainstream without having to be passed through a white filter, hands off.” I think that pretty much covers it. Should be no confusion anymore at all.

I thought no one saw color anymore. Just throwing this out there, but I constantly see politically correct and socially active individuals talking about ‘why do we even talk about skin color anymore’. Saying how archaic it is and we all bleed the same color blood etc etc etc. The only time we see color is apparently when people put make up on for costumes. We’re all human beings till someone puts on a Michael Jackson costume and some dark makeup so no one confuses him as the little boy touching weirdo Michael Jackson instead of the King of Pop.

Should people be mad if racist people, do blackface/whiteface in a mean spirited/racist way? Yes. Would I be mad if someone dressed up as a Jewish celebrity and put on makeup to make it look like they had a huge nose even if the celebrity didn’t have a large nose? Yes. Would I be mad if someone dressed up as Adrien Brody and made their nose look bigger? No. Adrien Brody has a huge fucking nose. That’s called reality. I wrote that whole analogy and realized its not even apt. You know why? Because Jewish people having big noses is a stereotype. Black people and celebrities with dark skin IS NOT A STEREOTYPE. ITS THEIR FUCKING SKIN. Its just what it is.

Again, I’m not saying we should ignore racism by any means. I’m saying its the mother effing 21st century. If we don’t see color and we’re all grown ups about it, everyone can dress up as who ever they want for halloween. Put on makeup and go as Justin Bieber. Put on a makeup and go as Flava Flav. I’m so tired of this bullshit. Its fucking makeup. Stop calling it blackface and whiteface all this dumb shit. Black face was the racist shit people used to do back in the day that was really fucking racist. Putting on makeup and dressing up as Barack Obama or something, is not racist. Julianne Hough dressing up as a black character from Orange is the New Black is not racist. She liked a character from the show and wanted to go as her for Halloween. Julianne gets blasted though, because apparently, in the 21st century, its racist to dress up like someone who you look up to and put on makeup so you look more like them.

Tell me how you’re going to explain to your white kid that its racist for him to put make up on to look like Adrian Peterson? How’s that conversation going to go? “Daddy, I want to go as Adrian Peterson for Halloween. Can I put on makeup to look like him?” “No son you can’t.” “Why not?” “Well son, if Adrian Peterson knew you looked up to him he’d be very happy to hear it. If he heard you wanted to go as him for Halloween he’d be even happier. But if he heard you went as him for Halloween and put makeup on to make your skin the same shade as his he’d think you were a racist little shit. Does that make sense son?”

I thought we were progressive or something. Equality and all that jazz, unless it comes to makeup, then we’re in the fucking 18th century.

P.S. If you think Nick Cannon IS racist/wrong for wearing white makeup and think no one should go whiteface or blackface that is a valid stance to have. If you think Nick Cannon isn’t racist/wrong but white people who wear makeup to look like black celebrities are, you are a hypocritical asshole.

Lying to Your Kids Makes Them More Likely to Lie. GASP!


Shocking news, people. Just shocking. Lying to you kid makes them more likely to lie? I always thought children, you know, the beings that at one point or another will literally imitate everything their parents do, would imitate anything but lying. I thought they would inherently know lying is bad because I tell them its bad even though I lie right to their face. Guess I was wrong. Wish I had known this years ago. Then I would have known whose parents were lying to them. 

There was always that one maybe two kid/s in your class that just lied constantly. Anytime they open their mouth its a big fib. One kid told me his uncle kept a T-Rex and a Triceratops in his closet and had them fight. I’d seen Jurassic Park more than a few times at this age, so I told him he was full of it. Didn’t change his tune, but we both knew he was lying. Unless he wasn’t. Then I missed out on some epic dino-fights. 

I feel like Santa Claus is the “gateway drug” for lying. Parents start off wanting to be honest. Then they start concocting all these plots, schemes and shenanigans to keep their kid thinking some obese, bearded man is breaking into their house and leaving presents. It’s preposterous. You know when I found out Santa wasn’t real? 5. Am I some fucked up weirdo? Maybe. Who’s to say? Point being lying is always a bad idea and kids always know when you’re lying. Parents are notoriously bad liars. They don’t have to lie very often so when they do its incredibly obvious. Kids lie to everyone. Teachers, parents, other kids, coaches, other parents. Kids are good at lying. So try raising your kid with some honesty, instead of putting a GPS tracker in the back of their neck and pretending like you know where they are. 

Planet Fitness Asks Woman to Cover Up Because She is too Toned and “Intimidating”


This is what it’s come to in America. I wish I could say I was surprised but this is now par for the course. First, I’d like to address the fact that if this woman’s body is intimidating to you, you probably haven’t seen your feet without a mirror in years. She has no abs. Just a flat stomach, which in America, has become more elusive than Sumatran rhinos (look ’em up). She basically looks like a normal human being. In this day and age though, god forbid you look at all in shape. You might intimidate someone with your caring about your body and “working out”.

Could you imagine if a gym told a fat person to cover up because their body was intimidating other people. Lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit. Oh the mental anguish of being exposed to reality. It’s fucking ridiculous. I don’t see any skinny people only gyms. As I write this I realize its not even the first time this shit has happened. I blogged about a gym not letting a woman join because she was too fit. I feel like I’m caught in a loop of hypocrisy and idiocy. 

Whatever happened to using someone who’s in better shape than you as motivation? No. No one knows what friendly competition is? OK. Cool. Just checking. They should probably ban high school athletes from watching professional sports lest they feel self conscious about their own play and how its not at that level. Its just fucking absurd.

If someone joins Planet Fitness and they’re fat, but they actually go to the gym and workout because that’s what gyms are for, and then they get really toned and in shape does Planet Fitness tell them they have to leave? What’s the protocol here. “Once we can see your abs you have to find a new gym so you don’t intimidate the rest of our customers.” What a world we live in. Did you ever think you’d hear the phrase, “She’s too in shape to go to the gym” cause I sure as shit didn’t. 

The Five Second Rule Proved to be More Than Myth. Duh.


First things first: Everyone knew before this study that the Five Second Rule was the real deal. You know if you scooped that peanut M&M off the ground fast enough you were safe. Find something in between the couch cushions though and you’ve got to leave it where it lies. Surprising that carpets were the cleanest surface. I feel like I’ve always heard they’re dirtier than the sidewalk because they just hold dirt in their fibers. Color me surprised. 

Getting to my real point though, if you don’t eat food off the ground you’re a chump. Straight up. Just a wasteful first world chump. My general rule of thumb is if I see it fall on the ground then its fair game. I don’t go around my apartment just picking in dirty, hair filled corners looking for scraps. I’m not a gross human being. People always act like because something touched the floor it immediately has poop on it. Ever notice that? Especially when you’re younger. Some Skittles drop on the ground and some Nosy Nancy is like “You’re not going to eat that are you? Thats gross. Peoples’ shoes have been on the ground and they’ve stepped in dog doo so you’re eating dog doo.” Why don’t you shut your mouth Nancy? I’m trying to enjoy my floor Skittles bitch. 

Seriously, I feel like people are always judging me for this shit. Get off your high horse ladies and gentlemen. No one is walking around with dog shit on their shoes. No one. Everyone keeps their shoes clean, alright? If the food isn’t visibly dirty and I saw it fall its probably going in my mouth. While all you hoity-toighty-no-food-off-the-floor people are walking around wasting perfectly good food, I’m getting all the goods.


P.S. I was drunk and running for the bus with a slice of pizza. Not cheese, like buff chix or something to that effect. Lots of toppings. Dropped it on the ground. Topping side down. Worst possible scenario. Scooped that shit right up and hopped on the bus. Started eating it and some kid looks at me and goes, “Did you just drop that on the ground?” I said, “Yup” He goes, “Respect.” True story. 

Pretty Sure that Missing Airliner is Part of a Criminal Mastermind Plot of Some Sort


This whole story is baffling. The fact that, in this day and age, we lost a plane carrying 239 people is mind boggling. This is Bermuda Triangle type stuff right here. Just disappeared. Vanished. Poof. No cell phone calls to family members? No GPS tracking. On board tracking systems just shut off. Plane goes off the radar and that’s that. 

Every time I see an update regarding this story, the plot thickens too, as if a huge plane disappearing wasn’t enough: “At least two other media reports, citing anonymous U.S. officials, reported that two communications systems were shut down separately on the flight deck of the plane, suggesting the aircraft did not suffer catastrophic failure.” OK. So we can rule out freak crash of some sort. For now anyway. But what led me to believe it was a criminal mastermind plot you ask?

Seismologists at a top Chinese university reported Friday that they had detected a slight “seismic event” on the sea floor between Vietnam and Malaysia on March 8 around the time that a Malaysian Airlines flight went missing with 239 people on board.” Seismic activity on the sea floor near where the plane went missing. That’s a criminal mastermind plot 10/10 times. You’ve all seen the Austin Powers movies (if not, take a long moment and ask yourself “what are you doing with your life?”). Dr. Evil’s got that submarine floating about, with a TRACTOR BEAM I might add. The kicker is that the area where they recorded this seismic event isn’t even an active part of the crust. There’s never any earthquakes there. It just screams submarine with a tractor beam or some type of underwater base. It’s either that or aliens as far as I can tell. I should probably send the NSA a heads up so they’re not caught with their pants around their ankles if that’s the case.