Republicans Have Been Abusing the Filibuster. Shocker.


“The figures speak for themselves. According to Politifact, in all of U.S. history, 147 cloture motions (motions that require a supermajority vote to end debate and take a vote) were filed on presidential nominations. Of the total, 79, more than half, have occurred so far during the administration of Barack Obama.

Since 1967, 67 cloture motions have been filed on judicial nominees. Of the total, 31 occurred during Obama’s time in office.”

I’ve heard the argument that the filibuster has been widely used by both parties, when they are in the minority. That Democrats have used it just like the Republicans are using it today and that the nuclear option was an overblown reaction. Think this pretty much clears it up though, huh? 79 of 147 filibusters for presidential nominations have occurred during the Obama administration. That’s a hot 54% for those of you keeping track at home. A cloture motion allows the senate to try to overcome a filibuster by placing a time limit on the consideration of the bill but requires 60% of the Senate to pass. This prevents the minority from filibustering indefinitely. 31 of 67 cloture motions on judicial nominees have been filed under the Obama administration. That doesn’t look too good for the Republicans. 

I think that, perhaps, the Republicans got too comfortable just being able to filibuster, even though they were a minority. I think they have the mentality of a small dog like a Jack Russell. They think they can play with the big dogs, till push comes to shove and someone passes the nuclear option. Then they go running home with their tail between their legs. 

I’m an optimist. Shocking, I know, given my satirical and curmudgeonly nature. I’m hoping that this new law fosters the compromises that are supposed to occur in a democracy. The Democrats don’t have an overwhelming majority so if the Republicans really don’t like a nominee, they just have to get 4 Dem. senators to side with them to keep the filibuster going. Pick your battles wisely. 



Happy Thanksgiving! Don’t Die on Black Friday!



With the workday winding down, its time to be thankful for everything we have. I’m especially thankful for the fact that I have yet to be trampled to death during a Black Friday stampede. Every year it gets worse and worse. Last year people were getting pepper sprayed for fucking waffle-makers. I’m pretty sure they could have just renamed the Purge, Black Friday.

That being said, I’m mildly interested in going out and trying my hand at shopping. I’m kind of tired of being on the outside looking in. I want to see the lunacy and madness firsthand. I want to taste the pepper spray in the air. Also, I have some presents to get and I’m not about to break the bank over here. 

If I didn’t have to drive myself to shopping areas, being shitfaced would probably be the ultimate way to do Black Friday. Shit would be wild. Just moving with the crowd not really knowing where you’re going. Ending up in a Kohl’s somehow, when you planned on getting electronics at Best Buy. Plus you’re 100% more likely to buy shit you wouldn’t if you were sober. Like all that stuff that’s on sale that you know you shouldn’t buy because you’ll never use it. You’ll wake up the next morning and it’ll be like a fucking toy store. Knowing me I’d probably have like 4 new videogames and all of the Nerf Guns. I can’t control myself around Nerf guns. If I see them I want to buy them so badly. It takes all my willpower to keep me from getting them. Watch out come the Day After Black Friday. I’m gonna look like the Nerf version of Neo in the Matrix right after he goes, “Guns. Lots of ’em.” 


Sperm Whale Explodes and its Everything I hoped it Would Be

This is my favorite kind of video. Not the exploding whale kind. But the kind of video that gets funnier and funnier the more times you watch it. First time you’re like, “Well shit! That whale blew up!” After a couple more views, however, you begin to appreciate all the little nuances that make it great. The sheer terror in the workers body language. His goofy gait as he runs away. Where did the tool he was using just go? I’m probably going to watch this at least five more times before I actually post the blog.

Georgia Juror Form Lists Slave as an Occupation in the Drop-down Menu. Oops.


Probably the most hilarious story I saw today and I can’t figure out why. Its just so Deep South it hurts. Of course someone found the occupation “slave” on a juror form in Georgia. Of course they did. If you told me this morning that this would happen I would have laughed and said, “Sounds about right”. 

“That is not an occupation, slave is not an occupation,” said Cheryl Glass. Cheryl Glass knows a thing or two about occupations. That’s not one of ’em. I love Georgia trying to play it off like maybe it was a glitch in going from paper questionnaires to online forms. Totally Georgia. Someone accidentally added the occupation slave because….that’s such an easy mistake to make. “Oops. See I must have accidentally typed in the word slave somehow in the code….yeah….Definitely didn’t see it in the questionnaire I was using as a template….”

“Court Administrator Cathy McCumber…says the list of occupations is 62 pages long, so she’s not sure if the word slave has always been on it, or if it was added before the questionnaire went online to the public”. And obviously there’s no way of obtaining this 62 page questionnaire and actually looking at it right? No sir. They burned every last one of ’em as soon as they went online. Didn’t even keep one hard copy of the questionnaire, no way. 

I think the worst/best part about this story is that the list itself was created 13 years ago. So that means that in the year 2000 someone thought it was a good idea to list slave as an occupation. I just don’t even understand how their’s still racism in America. Fucking Georgia. Always throwing me for a loop. 

The Pats are 5th in the Power Rankings and I’m not Even Mad



Frankly, I don’t need any outside validation to feel good about the Patriots right now. I’m still riding high of that win against the Broncos. But I tell you what, I love the top 5 of this weeks power rankings. You know why? Because save for the Seahawks, we’ve beaten them all and only one of them is in the AFC. “But Captain Salami, the Patriots lost to the Panthers!” SHUT YOUR PIG MOUTH. Seriously though, that call at the end was trash, Shane Vereen is only getting better and Aqib Talib shut down Demariyus Thomas, so obviously he was just rusty against Steve Smith. The Seahawks lost their second best cornerback, Brandon Browner, for the year. I think their offense is suspect but we’ll see how it all plays out Monday night when they play the Saints. Long story short, the path to the Super Bowl is looking pretty good for the Patriots. 

I’d almost rather play the Broncos again than the Chiefs, if I had to choose. I don’t know how well our defense can handle the rushing game that the Chiefs bring to the table. Without Big Vince, I’m a little bit afraid. Yeah, that’s how much we own Peyton. I’d rather play him than Alex Smith.

Bottomline, Pats are 2 wins away from clinching the AFC East. With the Colts embarrassing loss last week, the Pats are sitting pretty to keep the #2 spot and a bye week. I think this year, with the rookies and injuries, a bye week is exactly what the doctored ordered. I can’t wait until Shane Vereen can take off that fucking wrist brace. Every time he goes out on a wheel route I have to watch as he drops a beautiful pass from Brady because the ball bounces off that fucker. Its such a cock tease to have him back but not really back. It’s like Gronk with his “One Brace to Rule Them All”. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t lift that thing if I tried. It must be slowing him down. No way he can pump his arms as fast with half a suit of armor stuck to him.

Note: I’m so pissed we got fucked twice on calls at the end of games. Now the Pats are gonna finish 13-3 and I’m gonna look like an asshole with my 14-2 prediction. Fucking refs. 

Parents Overly Involved in College Students’ Lives


Surprise, surprise. Doing literally everything for your kids has a negative effect on them and leads to them being incompetent. Who would have thunk it? Any parent calling a teacher to complain about their child’s grade, regardless of age, should get a fucking life. Have you nothing better to do?

“Students are referred to as “teacups.” “They’re so fragile, they break easily,” I mean could generation Y or whatever the fuck we’re called get any worse. I think we’re the worst generation since ever. You have generations fighting wars. The civil rights movement. Doing shit loads of drugs. Then us. The fucking shits with too much technology who can’t handle the real world and suck at just about everything. I think I’m just gonna start telling people I was born in the 70s and have the mutant power of Wolverine or something so they don’t assume I’m a little bitch.

Now I write a lot about how much parents suck and hover/helicopter about their kids, but at some point I have to put some blame on the kids. Do you remember when getting hugs, kisses, and generally interacting with a parent was seen as gross and embarrassing? God forbid your Mom should hug you in front of some friends. You were gonna be picking spitballs out of your hair for weeks. Now we just take it? Well into our adult life too. Like if you aren’t absolutely mortified, like to the point of death, that your mom is with you trying to get you a job, its game over. You’re already too far gone. Its like in zombie movies when someone tries to hide that they’ve been bit and then its too late. Everyone in the group finds out and then they have to put you down. Well….that’s the situation for you ass hats out their with your moms on your job interviews.

P.S. I think if a teacup student was called a teacup they would break. I love that kind of irony. If I call you the name I came up with based on your fragility and you break…. It doesn’t get better than that really.

P.P.S. Just noticed that kid in the picture was smiling about being bubblewrapped by his mom. Fucking teacup.

Walmart Holds Internal Food Drive for Poor Employees



Wal-Mart has caught some flak by having an internal food drive. Initially, I wrote this blog kind of siding with Wal-Mart. I know shocking right? But I thought people were jumping to conclusions about how much the workers were paid and part time versus full time whatever. It seemed reasonable to me that some people in the company would make more than others and could donate food to the greeters who probably make like 50 cents an hour. 

Well, boy was I wrong. I did some research leading me to this conclusion: Fuck Wal-Mart. They basically only hire part time employees. Why you ask? So they don’t have to give them benefits. You know who they do hire though? Consultants, to help their part-time workers sign up for Medicaid. That way my tax payer dollars can go to caring for Wal-Mart workers so Wal-Mart doesn’t have to, because that makes sense right?

At least Wal-Mart has been “suffering” because of this decision. Their stores are poorly stocked, with little customer service so their sales have dropped off along with their customer satisfaction. So I’m glad Wal-Mart is getting some heat from this dumb food drive. Eat a dick Wal-Mart. Greedy bastards.