Snow Parking in Boston: Who’s the Asshole?

Respect Parkingasshole parking

This is my second winter living in Boston proper. This is Boston’s snowiest winter on record. It has been, to say the least, not as good as last winter. Due to all the snow, I’ve seen a lot more chairs and placeholders in parking spaces. Now I’m here to settle the score on parking space etiquette.

You may be asking yourself, “Aren’t those two pictures exactly the same?” Why is one person an asshole and why does the other get respect?” The answer is context. There are two ways, that I’ve seen, that a parking space is made. One way is by simply shoveling out your own car to go somewhere. I do this every snowstorm. It sucks every snowstorm. Do I put a chair in my space? No. Because I’m not a little bitch. If you shovel out the spot on the street that your car is currently in because you need to go somewhere, ie work, you have no rights to that spot. 0. None. Bupkiss. You HAD to shovel that spot out to live your life. The streets own that spot now. Take your lawn chair and shove it up your ass.

The second way a parking space is made is by physically shoveling an entire space worth of snow and putting your car where the snow once was. As far as I’m concerned, this kind of spot, is a fable, a myth, an urban legend. People tell stories of those strong willed and determined enough to accomplish this feat but its always a friend of a friend. If you do this, as far as I’m concerned, that spot is yours for all of winter. You earned it. There is a 0% chance, 0, that I ever do that. I have neither the time, energy or mental fortitude to do that. I would rather drive around for hours than plunk my car down and go shovel for probably 1-2 hours just to carve out a shitty little spot for my car.

In summary, if you did not move the amount of snow equal to the volume of a car to make a parking space, do not use a space saver and suck it up. Everyone else drinks on me.

P.S. If you have even a shred of your soul left avoid Beacon St and Comm Ave. between the hours of now until April.


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