Who Should the Houston Texans Take With the First Pick?



The answer is Jadeveon Clowney. The Texans were 28th in sacks last year. 24th in points allowed. 23rd in rushing yards against. They have a brand new head coach in Bill O’Brien and they had almost as much quarterback controversy last year as the woeful New York Jets (god I love writing that). The current situation is not one where a young QB will thrive. Andre Johnson is 32 years old and Arian Foster is coming off of back surgery. The situation on offense is not ideal and a young, inexperienced QB isn’t going to change that. Manziel isn’t RGIII. He’s not an Olympic level hurdler, he was a play maker. If you’re looking for more of a pocket player Andrew Luck is still raw after 2 seasons in the NFL and hasn’t made it out of the divisional round of the playoffs. For every Peyton Manning or John Elway you draft at number one, there’s a Jamarcus Russell or a Tim Couch.

Jadeveon Clowney is the Texans best chance of drafting a playmaker who will have an immediate impact on the team. Either draft him or trade that number one and stock picks to build your team. You can teach a lot of the technique that Clowney is missing but you can’t teach someone how to be a fucking monster that runs a 4.5 40 and is 6’6″ 250lbs. I also think J.J. Watt would be a great mentor for Clowney and someone to compete with. Plus I want to see the kind of havoc that duo could wreak. 


Bill O’Reilly: Is There Anyone More Full of Shit? No.



Woke up today feeling pretty good. It’s Thursday. Which means it’s almost Friday. What’s not to like. I pop on to Google News to see what’s going on and see the headline Bill O’Reilly: The Climate Change Strategy. Needless to say, I was intrigued. Very intrigued. Thought there might be some common ground or something. Maybe this fine Thursday was the day a Bill O’Reilly article wasn’t covered with more shit and lies than a dog who got out rolled around in god knows what and stares at you like, “I dunno. I didn’t do anything.” Alas today was not the day.

The President’s job approval rating around 40 percent…, So the President must raise his positive profile. But that’s not going to be easy. The economy will not improve any time soon.

Bill starts off throwing some heat. Given, that this is Obama’s second and therefore final term in the Oval Office why exactly does he need to work on his positive profile? Is he pulling an FDR? Running for a 3rd term? No you say? Hasn’t he already said that he’s just going to get shit done and fuck everyone who gets in his way including Congress? Yes. So shut the fuck up Bill.

Enter global warming a fervent liberal cause” Too smart for us liberals Bill. Just too smart. Bill goes on about how Obama is trying to say California’s drought is directly a result of global warming. Obama doesn’t say this but its easier to put words in someones mouth if those words help you make an argument against them. 

But every human being who cares about the earth should want it to be cleaner. Therefore, we should all, all of us work together to make that happen whether you believe in global warming or not. That is the sane, s-a-n-e, sane position.” What’s this? Is this some sanity and truth coming from the mouth of Bill O’Reilly?

Unfortunately countries like China and India don’t care they are polluting the planet in a record rate to make money and President Obama can’t stop that. So if the USA punishes its own people like holding up the Keystone Pipeline which would provide jobs being foolish” JUST KIDDING! Got ya! You thought there was some common ground between “liberals” and Fox conservatives? Fuck no!! Clearly the ONLY reason the Keystone Pipeline is being held up is due to climate change reasons. THERE ARE NO OTHER REASONS! Unless you Google it, then there are like 10 other reasons. Conflict of interest, spills, aquifer contamination just to name a few. But Bill’s right. The President is punishing the US. Punishing! If we go by the definition I assume he’s using, Obama is treating (someone) (ie the American people)) in an unfairly harsh way. So harsh Obama. 😦 Since we can’t control India and China, I forgot it was a race to the bottom for who can pollute the world the most. China is hogging all that beneficial smog! Send some our way China! You can’t have all the pollution we want some too.

Finally, Bill puts a neat little bow on everything, “And will up the ante to obscure other problems like the economy and Obamacare which it’s not fixing.” Because there’s obviously no worth in fixing Obamacare for Obama. Why would he waste his time doing that? Or the economy? Apparently, all he cares about is increasing his popularity for some reason and the easiest way to do that is obviously, to mask all the real problems and ride on climate change. Thanks Bill. Now I understand it!

I would pay good money to see O’Reilly slapped in the face until he cried.

Prude Mom Buys All “Indecent T-Shirts” at a PacSun



When are people going to grow up? Provocative poses? Scantily dressed models? Um…..Did you know people didn’t used to wear clothes? I’m just gonna throw this out there but…..I’m going to doubt that seeing images of the naked human body leads children into becoming deviants. Clothes are made by people. Boobs and vaginas are biological parts of the human body but some how if you see them or almost see them on a t-shirt it turns children into….perverts? pedophiles? 

“…you can express your concerns to businesses and corporations who promote the display of pornography to children.”

There we have it. Maybe we should just go back to the days when men could wear whatever they fuck they want and women can’t show even ankle without getting stoned. How about that Ms. Prude? Is that what you want? Pretty sure I speak for most people when I say that as a child, kissing and sex scenes in movies embarrassed me. Couldn’t watch ’em. I did the whole cover my eyes thing and tell me when its over nonsense. You know when I stopped doing that? When I hit puberty and got a sex drive all of a sudden. Hmmmm wonder who these T-shirts are catering to anyway? 

PacSun, which sells beach clothes for teenagers and young adults.

Gasp! Teenagers and young adults are the same age as people who furiously beat off to anything remotely close to a female. The best part about this very concerned mother is that she was shopping with her 18 year old son. First of all, now he’s going to have the worst reputation at school because he’s got this uppity mother who can’t just let things go. Second of all, he’s definitely a virgin if he’s 18 and shopping with his mom at PacSun and now he’s going to stay that way until he can find a girl who hasn’t heard this story. Glad to see your son is so independent and functioning. 

In closing I’d like to say that the fact that boobs in a movie immediately makes it rated R, while a shitload of violence is totally acceptable for PG-13. Should we show our kids intimate love scenes, sex and boobs or should we show them copious amounts of violence? Violence it is then. The Bourne Series, the Dark Knight Series and Lord of the Rings are all PG-13. Show one boob though and watch out. I’m not saying we should censor everything either. All I’m saying is it is dumb, illogical and hypocritical to say human bodies are tainting the children but violent scenes involving blood and gore are not. 


P.S. Does this 18 year old son even know that his mom and dad had to have unprotected sex to conceive him? Going with my gut I have to say probably not. Probably still believes in storks and doesn’t know why his dick gets hard sometimes. 

I Hate all These Snowstorms Being Named. HATE IT.


I don’t know why this started happening. I remember the first storm they named. It was when I was in college. It was like Athena or something stupid. Now, any storm that throws down more than an inch gets a fucking name. “Ooo here comes winter storm Chesika. We’re gonna get like 3 inches of snow. Here comes Pax. Watch out, it might drop 4 inches.” I hate it! Absolutely one of the worst things of all time. Remember the good old days when we just called them storms. We don’t name fucking thunderstorms. They’re just storms. You know what they called that blizzard that happened in 1978? THE BLIZZARD OF ’78. Shocker.

The names they come up with are fucking ridiculous too. Quintus? Pax? Bruno? All these stupid hipstery names for storms. Why you ask? Its because all the real names are saved for REAL STORMS AKA HURRICANES.  Hurricane Andrew people remember. Hurricane Sandy people remember. Winter storm Pax can go shove it. No one gives a hoot.

“…the National Weather Service (NWS)–did not acknowledge TWC’s winter storm names and asked its forecast offices to refrain from using the TWC names” Just saw this while researching where these stupid storm names come from. Its all the mother fucking weather channel. Bunch of fear mongering sons a B’s. Weather channel is way up there on my list of people who suck ass. I don’t think my scathing tweets are getting the job done either.

California Lawmakers Want to Put Warning Labels on Soda. Pansies




For once I’m kind of torn on who to side with. I think that the soda industry will probably win the ensuing legal battle, as well, because they have pretty solid ground to stand on. Yes soda is bad for you. Yes soda is full of sugar. Yet people still buy it. People still drink it and people continue to choose it over water. This isn’t like cigarettes. Soda isn’t the sole reason you become obese or get diabetes. Smoking cigarettes can be the sole reason you get lung cancer. 

Are cheeseburgers going to have to have warning labels on them too? All fast food? Anything but grass? Where does it end. The more I write, the more I agree with soda companies. Think to yourself how much warning labels on soda would actually stop people from buying soda? Not much. People are going to make bad decisions. You can’t stop it. 

People aren’t fat because soda and bad food are like cigarettes. They’re not the most addictive drugs in the world. Its individual choices. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No one just wakes up one day overweight or obese. Its a long process. If you don’t want to be fat you ask your doctor what you can do. Even if you had no idea what bad foods were, you know when you are gaining weight and there is always help available. 

Everyone dies people. Get over it. Who cares if you don’t live a perfectly healthy life? Its your choice to make. So they better not take away my king size candy bars! I DO WHAT I WANT! IM A GROWN ASS MAN!

Heartwarming Story: 800lb Snowball Crashes into Dorm




Two math majors made a giant snowball. Rolled it down the sidewalk to make it even bigger. It got away from them slams into a dorm. Breaks the wall a little bit. Does like 2,000-3,000 dollars worth of damage. Why is this a heartwarming story you might ask? What possible good could have come from having a behemoth of a snowball smash into a dorm? 

The students responsible for the runaway snowball reported the incident and won’t be disciplined, Myers said, because they didn’t intend to cause damage and feel awful about what happened.

Because you just don’t see people use common sense anymore. This is a rare glimmer of a college using its brain for .2 seconds and thinking, “Gee, maybe the financial blow of 2k-3k is far less for the college than these two students. Since they didn’t mean to do it maybe we’ll just call this kids will be kids.” 

We are so fucking stifled in this country its out of control. You know why college kids binge drink and do drugs on weekends. Aside from it being awesome and leading to more than a few good stories, its because if you do fucking anything and it goes sour you get fucked. School site kids for having snowball fights. Not the malicious kind either just the fun kind. Any other school and these kids would be looking at a bare minimum of paying for the damages and possible probations or something. The only time you don’t get in trouble is when you do nothing that can hurt anyone else. You know what doesn’t hurt anyone else? Me ripping shots till everything is fun, even lying facedown in the bathroom. 

In high school me and a bunch of kids were hanging out in a middle school parking lot. We weren’t doing anything illegal. We were literally just standing around talking. Cop roars in out of nowhere spotlight shining. Gets out of his car and just starts grilling us. “What are you doing here? This is private property. You can’t be here. Are you drinking?” Just fucking badgering us. So you know what we did? We walked to my good friends house right around the corner and got shit faced because fuck you that’s why. 

So good for Reed College for being reasonable people! Keep on keep on’ing!

(Trademark pending on the phrase Keep on keep on’ing)

If Forced Who Should the Pats Pick: Talib or Edelman?




The answer is Aqib Talib. I read this blog and about who the Pats should choose and initially I was on team Edelman. People continue to cite the AFCCG like the Patriots just got blown out of the water. Like the defense was just swiss cheese after Peyton Manning was done with it. This is simply not the case. Yes, it seemed impossible to stop him, but the Patriots gave up 26 points to the Broncos which, until the Seahawks stomped on them, was their lowest or second lowest points scored in a game for the season. So spare me the whole “Talib is the only thing holding this shoddy defense together” bullshit. Our offense on the other hand only put up 16 points and had several three and outs. It was not a good day to be on the Pats offense. 

So why do I pick Talib you might ask, if the Pats offense is as bad as I think it is? Because the Seahawks proved yet again, defense beats offense. Plain and simple. If the Pats defense is good enough that Brady and Co only need to score say, 16 points a game, they’ll win every single game. The Seahawks went 14-2 and that is mainly because of their defense. Without Percy Harvin, I think the Seahawks offense was one of the more overrated offenses in the NFL. The defense is what put them in the playoffs and ultimately won them the Super Bowl. 

If the Patriots keep Talib and (big and) he stays healthy, along with Mayo and Wilfork, the sky is the limit for this Patriots defense. Fingers crossed everybody!