The Pro Bowl, Also Known as the “Nobody Gives a Shit Bowl”

Pro Boring

The Pro Bowl is still boring as shit. They made some changes. I thought they would help. They didn’t help. No one cares about the Pro Bowl. Personally, I think the reason no one gives a shit is because the Pro Bowl isn’t real football. We watch football for the excitement, the competition, the grit and most importantly the ridiculous catches and the bone crushing hits. You know what you’re not going to have in the Pro Bowl? The bone crushing hits. Or anyone really trying for that matter.

I think the way to fix this is to embrace the fact that this isn’t real football and to just show the players a people hanging out having a good time. They already tried this somewhat with the pre Pro Bowl coverage but shot themselves in the foot by moving it to Arizona because no one gives a shit about watching people hang out in AZ. You wanna show me Cameron Wake looking like an idiot trying to paddle board about in Hawaii I’ll watch that 8 of 10 times. You show me an NFL player doing literally anything in Arizona and I won’t watch it, so don’t play the fucking Pro Bowl in AZ.

Here’s what you do. No pads. No tackle. 11 v 11 Flag football. Full contact at the line. Full bump and run coverage. Everything else in play. First thing this does is make it interesting to watch all these premiere athletes taken slightly out of their comfort zone having to pull flags instead of tackle. Second thing it does is prevent dumb ass injuries. If you’re a Texans fan watching the Pro Bowl and you see JJ Watt lose his ACL after getting tackled on a little redzone out route you would probably poop your pants on the spot because there goes the most dominant defensive player in the NFL. No one wants to see that. The players certainly don’t want to see that, as they play the entire game at roughly half speed.

The only interesting part is the offense and the passing game, which the NFL has already tried to make the centerpiece of the Pro Bowl. So you make it full 11 v 11 flag football and I guarantee the game would be more interesting. Players would juke and spin more, not having to fear for their legs. Big plays would definitely happen frequently with missed flag pulls. It would be a much more interesting game to watch. Final thing you do is make it so that the entire winning team gets something fun like everyone gets an iMac or a weekend in Vegas or something.

There you have it. Pro-Bowl fixed.

P.S. Pretty proud of my photoshopping skills here. I don’t want to brag but I think I can finally start cooking up fake pictures to make up scandals and what not. There’s bound to money in that right?


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