Why We Need to Embrace All Soccer Fans, Even the Ones Who Don’t Know Dick About Soccer




I finally caved and read Ann Coulter’s sorry excuse for an article. I can fart an entire article that is guaranteed to be better than the drivel she puts out. “Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius” Yes Ann. We are being “Chinese-style brainwashed” (not sure what she means. Also not sure if she knows what she means) to use the system that literally every other country uses. Sorry your pea brain can’t comprehend the fact that 0 degrees Celsius is the freezing point of water and 100 degrees Celsius is its boiling point. 

I digress. Soccer is one of my favorite sports. I played it in high school (not very well), I try to watch the Premier League when I can and I watch as much of the World Cup as possible. In talking with some of my other soccer friends, I’ve found there is sort of an elitist view to soccer in America. “We were watching soccer before it was cool” “Do you even know what the Premier League is?” “I’m tired of all these ‘fans’ talking about the USMNT like this isn’t the first time they’ve seen a soccer game this year” I get it. It’s frustrating defending soccer from the onslaught of the ignorant only to have soccer become “in” all of a sudden. Where were these fair weather USMNT fans when someone said only fairies played soccer or when naysayers said they don’t want to watch a marathon with a ball? 

The fact is, we need these fair weather fans, because at least their fans and at least they’re trying. Soccer is the only sport in America that undergoes vicious attacks from “true” Americans. As Ann Coulter so aptly put it: “I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer.” Apparently, watching men with dad-like builds hit tiny white balls into holes in the least number of tries is far more manly and far more of a sport than soccer and far more American. 

We need these new fans because, for once, soccer is finally cool in America. I don’t have to justify my wanting to watch a soccer game at a bar. I don’t have to constantly explain why I want to get home to see a World Cup game. Everyone is talking about soccer and its amazing. People like Ann Coulter (anti-soccer jihadists, not ignorant bitches), are in the minority. Cherish this time and embrace your fellow soccer fan, even if they don’t know what offsides is or who Jozy Altidore is. Soccer shouldn’t be perceived as the lowest form of sport in America. Its the most popular sport in the world and its time we started acting like it. 


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