Kids Putting Burt’s Bees on Their Eyelids to Get High or Something


I wonder what people did on slow news days, before 24/7 news. They probably didn’t run anything because shit like this is fucking dumb and a waste of time. Can you imagine getting paid to write about how kids are amplifying their highs by putting Burt’s on their eyelids? I wish someone would pay me to write this stuff. 

Anywho, I find the tone and stance of this article to be pretty ridiculous. Acting like this is fucking huffing Febreze or drinking a shitload of Nyquil. It’s fucking nuts. Its frigging chapstick. I would kill to have my kids just Beezin’ instead of doing heroin or something like that. “In some cases, rubbing the lip balm onto eyelids can cause swelling and symptoms similar to pink eye, Dr. Brett Cauthen, a family physician at Today Clinic in Oklahoma City” OHHHHH NOOOOO eye swelling and pink eye!?!?!? Won’t somebody think of the children?!! Pink eye is a cake walk compared to death or rehab. 

“Our big message is natural does not equate with safety,” Cauthen told Fox-25.” Ummm. Kids aren’t doing this because they think its safe. They’re doing it because they want to. Also it is safe. Its peppermint chapstick. I can’t believe this is something being talked about. It is safe. It’s literally the safest thing you can do that is somehow related to getting high. 

Cauthen said parents should monitor how their teens are using the balm.” Yes parents. You better start rolling your kids rooms to find their hidden Burt’s Bees. Make sure you check their eyelids for peppermint. Definitely tell your kids about the harsh dangers of Beezin’. No child is safe if they have their hands on Burt’s Bees. Spread the word. 


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