Vial of Pope John Paul II’s Blood Stolen for Satanic Ritual. The End is Nigh


THIS IS IT PEOPLE. THIS IS MOTHERFUCKING IT. TUCK YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR LEGS AND KISS YOUR ASS GOOD BYE. Looks like the Mayans were only a few years off. Unless some Harvard iconology professor can crack the clues and figure out where this vial is headed we’re as good as dead people. Pope John Paul II is going to be made a saint in April of this year. There’s like three vials of his blood left in existence. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s got end of the world written all over it. 

A few days ago, if you’d said, “Captain Salami what are the odds this world is destroyed by satanists?” I would have told you to fuck your face. No chance. Not one iota of a chance. This changes everything, though. If you actually go through with stealing Pope blood you clearly have a fucking plan. I assume stealing Pope blood isn’t child’s play. Its probably pretty difficult. No one just goes and grabs that on a whim. You have to be fucking committed and possibly albino. So long cruel world. Hopefully, Moses comes to the rescue but I’m not too optimistic. 


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