Scientists Discover Dogs Preferred Pooping Direction! Hooray Science!

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http://www.foxnews.com/science/2014/01/02/scientists-discover-dogs-prefered-bathroom-position/

Well this is a great way to start of 2014. Seriously. I mean do you know how many lives this finding is going to save? How many people’s daily routine is going to be impacted by this? 0. I never understand how this kind of research gets funding. Is there a “National Institute for Hairbrained Research” in America? That is the only way I see this shit happening. 

Apparently, dogs poop in the N-S direction and avoid the E-W direction. This is supposedly proof that dogs detect the Earth’s magnetic field or some lame mumbo jumbo. They observed roughly 7,500 instances of dogs relieving themselves to come up with this information so you know it’s gotta be true. Who is the pee-brain who decided this was research that was worth doing? How do you possibly justify wasting one second of time doing this. If you just masturbated 7500 times instead of watching the dogs go to the bathroom the impact you had on the world would be equal. No one is ever going to reference this pile of crap. 

If whoever came up with this study makes more money than me I’m going to have a shit fit. I should just quit my job and start applying for grants to see whether people prefer to stand up when they wipe after a crap or simply lean to one side. “After secretly watching 7,500 people dump, I’ve determined that I am a sick individual.” 

I would just like to thank Fox for publishing this article. I knew they weren’t really into science but this takes the cake. If this qualifies as news in your science section, you should probably just shut it the fuck down and stop publishing bullshit. 

P.S. Every time I used any word referring to fecal matter it was pun intended. 

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