Happy Thanksgiving! Don’t Die on Black Friday!



With the workday winding down, its time to be thankful for everything we have. I’m especially thankful for the fact that I have yet to be trampled to death during a Black Friday stampede. Every year it gets worse and worse. Last year people were getting pepper sprayed for fucking waffle-makers. I’m pretty sure they could have just renamed the Purge, Black Friday.

That being said, I’m mildly interested in going out and trying my hand at shopping. I’m kind of tired of being on the outside looking in. I want to see the lunacy and madness firsthand. I want to taste the pepper spray in the air. Also, I have some presents to get and I’m not about to break the bank over here. 

If I didn’t have to drive myself to shopping areas, being shitfaced would probably be the ultimate way to do Black Friday. Shit would be wild. Just moving with the crowd not really knowing where you’re going. Ending up in a Kohl’s somehow, when you planned on getting electronics at Best Buy. Plus you’re 100% more likely to buy shit you wouldn’t if you were sober. Like all that stuff that’s on sale that you know you shouldn’t buy because you’ll never use it. You’ll wake up the next morning and it’ll be like a fucking toy store. Knowing me I’d probably have like 4 new videogames and all of the Nerf Guns. I can’t control myself around Nerf guns. If I see them I want to buy them so badly. It takes all my willpower to keep me from getting them. Watch out come the Day After Black Friday. I’m gonna look like the Nerf version of Neo in the Matrix right after he goes, “Guns. Lots of ’em.” 



One thought on “Happy Thanksgiving! Don’t Die on Black Friday!

  1. “fucking waffle makers”

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