It’s that time of the week again folks!! Friday night. Drinking before I go out so I don’t spend a million dollars at the bars. With Thanksgiving fast approaching, its time to start thinking about good holiday drinks and how to gorge yourself most effectively at Thanksgiving. I’ll start with what to drink. First of all if you don’t like stouts and dark beers GET THE FUCK OUT! Love that shit. Chocolatey, thick, flavorful everything I want in a dick…drink. The number one mixed drink of the holidays is 100 proof peppermint schnapps in hot cocoa. If you’re not drinking that you need to ASAP. It’s pretty much the best thing ever. EVER. Its just chocolatey peppermint goodness.
Next, the key to gorging yourself at Thanksgiving. Beware mashed potatoes. Rookie mistake is to eat a shitload of mashed potatoes immediately. Bad move. Mashed potatoes are like edible wet cement. Eat it and enjoy feeling like Jabba the Hutt for the foreseeable future. Meat and sweet potatoes and all that shit first. Get the help of mashed potatoes after you enjoy the other shit. Although it will fill you up, the salty goodness will set you up perfectly for craving something sweet, ie PIE.
If you don’t like pie I don’t even know what to say to you. So moving on, pumpkin pie is the king of Thanksgiving pie. Personal opinion. Lots of people are gonna say apple pie and all that jazz but fuck ’em. I have a refined ass palate which craves the sweet nutmeggy taste of pumpkin pie.
Irrefutable Pie Rankings:
2. Key Lime
5. Anything else
Done. Yes. Key lime pie is better than apple and pecan pie. Its probably too sophisticated for your stupid mouths.
P.S. Any pie made by my neighbor is the best pie I’ve ever tasted.