SpyGate: Will America Ever Shut Up About It?



My bastard (he was born in wed-lock but he’s still a bastard) Uncle just brought this lovely article to light about how America doesn’t like the Patriots. Apparently, we whine too much about blown calls (Looking at you Green Bay and the Fail Mary), and win too much and apparently cheat too much because the butt pushing against the Jets and Spygate are still apparently relevant.

Although Spygate happened it 2007, people still act like it matters. It is quite possibly the most overblown event in the history of American media. If you believe for one second that any of the “cheating” pertaining to Spygate affected the outcomes of games I will hit you in the face. Assuming, that the VIDEOTAPING OF DEFENSIVE SIGNALS had any impact on winning lets do some logical thought experiments. Again for you fucking morons out there the sanctions that came down were for videotaping defensive signals. Not stealing fucking playbooks, putting microphones in opposing teams locker rooms and not paying players to hurt the opposing team (Note: If you believe in Spygate and don’t know what I’m referencing in the previous sentence please hurl yourself out the nearest window).

So now that Belichick can’t videotape signals his winning percentage in the NFL regular season must have gone down. Bill was 75-37 pre-Spygate. Now he’s a hot 76-20. So fuck you guys. He’s won more games with Tom Brady getting older and shittier.

“But he hasn’t won a Super Bowl since Spygate! The cheating must have helped”

If you’re thinking this. Take a good step back from the computer and LITERALLY FUCK YOUR OWN FACE. Do you know how hard it is to win the fucking Super Bowl. In the history of the league the most Super Bowl wins any franchise has is 6. Fucking 6. The most appearances by any single franchise is 8. Bill has been to 5 with the Patriots in the past 10 years. But if Bill were really a great coach he would have won another one since Spygate. THAT’S YOUR LOGIC? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! All the Spygate believers out there are fans of franchises that haven’t sniffed the Super Bowl. Buncha dickweeds who can’t handle the fact that they are living through the greatest era the Patriots will ever have. 

Let me relish in this greatness you fucks. Let me enjoy this so when I tell my kids I watched the best Patriots teams in history of the NFL they won’t look up at me and go “Daddy what was Spygate?” If that happens, I’m not making any promises about the kid….

This should be the last anyone speaks of Spygate ever again. Pats beat Broncos 31-21. Peyton throws late game pick six to seal the Pats victory per usual. 

Eat a dick Peyton. 


One thought on “SpyGate: Will America Ever Shut Up About It?

  1. […] putting some faith in my predictions maybe I’ll be a little less smug about it. I predicted a Patriots victory 31-21. While, the score was actually 34-31, friends and family ridiculed me saying how it was gonna be a […]

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