MI6 Spy Found Dead. Padlocked Inside Gym Bag at Home. No Foul Play Suspected…


I’m only going to say this once. If my naked body is ever found pad locked inside a gym bag in the bathtub of my apartment it was 100% the cats who I reside with. One of my roommates has cats. I’m not a cat dude, but that’s a blog for another day. Point being, have the police even looked into whether this was a possible cat homicide? Especially if this guy owned at least two cats. One cat you can handle. But two…whole different ballgame. They’re always scheming and shit. You come in the room and the cats just burst out of there like you just walked in on them planning something terrible. 

Mostly, I’m just really confused as to how law enforcement officials can say, “Yeah. No foul play. Definitely just accidentally locked himself inside his gym bag”, as if thats a common thing. I feel like I always see headlines about near death experiences involving people getting padlocked inside gym bags. Like at least once a week. 

“None of his DNA was found on the lock attached to the bag and his palm prints were not found on the rim of the bath.” Yet somehow its not foul play. This is crazy land right? You are paid to solve crimes and this is just a textbook case of mistaken death? So this has to be a government coverup. MI6 totally just took over this case and told the police department what to say. They might have gotten away with it if the family hadn’t AGREED with the coroners report. “Oh Gareth was always getting stuck in his gym bag. We just knew it would be the death of him.”  Straight out of the movies. 

What do you think people? He was on secondment (apparently weird ass British for transfer) from a British Intelligence Agency listening post to MI6. So did he hear something that was a threat to the country or something that implicated a corrupt MI6 so they had to take him out? I bet he heard something/cracked a code that was important for British national security and some bad guys took him out. Naked in a gym bag sends a message. If MI6 wanted him dead for some reason, they would have done a much better job of framing it to be accidental. Who the fuck gets locked in a gym bag? 


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