1 in 10 High School Seniors has Engaged in EXTREM BINGE DRINKING

1 in 10 High School Seniors has Engaged in EXTREM BINGE DRINKING

The X makes it 50% cooler and makes you 25% more likely to get laid. I’m always skeptical of shit like this because you’re relying on high school seniors to accurately fill out surveys that have no impact on them whatsoever. I’m pretty sure I said I did meth on one of these just because I thought I was being funny (Note: It was funny). 

Regardless of the truth behind these statistics I’m more interested in shitting on the author of this article and all of her stupid, stupid advice. Also its cute 5 shots counts as BINGE DRINKING. Pretty sure that’s just right in my drunk/almost drunk wheelhouse.

“parents can help their teens understand the misconception that everyone is binge drinking. This study shows most aren’t binge drinking”

Wow gee whiz! Thanks for that one. This is literally in every anti-drinking ad ever. Not everyone is doing it so you don’t have to! Duh not everyone is doing it. Just everyone at the party you attended. Being sober at a party is not .1% as fun as being drunk there. 

“parents tell their teens they love them and want them to be healthy and safe and set clear rules and consequences for underage alcohol consumption.”

We all love our parents, yet we all lie to our parents. Funny how that works. Set all the consequences you want. If I think you won’t know I’m drinking I’m going to drink. 

“Use the new research on the teenage brain to explain that this is about keeping those maturing brains safe and enabling them to keep on maturing.”

Utterly laughable. Because as a high schooler, I’m constantly worrying about my maturing brain. High schoolers never do anything questionably unsafe or stupid because they know they’re still maturing. Also all you adults out there drank your faces off when you were my age and you turned out fine….maybe not. 

And the grand finale: “Give their children one-on-one time with the pediatrician, family medicine doctor or other health care provider.”

Because when I think of people I take advice from, I think of that stranger who touches my gooch when I cough. 

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